Not the “everyday adventure” or “join a reality tv show that will push your limits” kind of adventure.

I want to have the kind of adventure that doesn’t happen in real life, where you overhear a secret plot to take over the world and have to do something, or get kidnapped because you were at the wrong place at the wrong time, or you get stranded on a strange island, or taken as a captive bride by a ruthless Middle Eastern oil tycoon.

There will be exciting car and/or horse-back chases. There will be acrobatic swinging on jungle vines. There will be several gunfire exchanges that mysteriously misses all the good guys (or lightly nicks them dramatic effect) and hits all the bad guys (unless they are needed for the grand showdown later). There will be brushes with gruesome and messy deaths.

Most importantly, there will be a handsome hero I won’t get along with until somewhere near the end of the adventure where we realise we are hot for each other all that time. There will be smooching and sexing and a nice sunset, preferably by the sea.

There will be outtake scenes when the credits roll. Outtakes are fun.