...for whatever reason, I really hate making plans, at least in the way I’ve tried to make them, ie. “work out schedule” etc. I’m just not into – being my own boss lady, I suppose. Yes, I want to be disciplined and healthy – and I am, for the most part. But this and nothing else I have ever done or achieved has been motivated or actualized by “forcing” myself to do it. I’m motivated by what I want to do, and its a strong motivation when I’m clear about what I want. If I want something, I’ll just naturally practice it. I mean, when I stopped smoking, it was because I didn’t want to smoke anymore. And then it just stopped making any sense, and I didn’t do it, and it wasn’t hard for that reason. Whenever I tried to “force” myself – oh, I would for awhile, but I’d always give myself permission to give into the urge.

It just seems stupid to treat myself like a moron or infant – not to insult either – I just want to know what I want, and do it. Following through means this, and not “making plans” etc.
I want to get really clear about what I want, and then I know damn well I’ll follow through. I always have, I always do, as a matter of pride and principle and character. But I’m not going to be my own damned whipping boy.