Mr L is Catholic, and I’m Jewish, so we share a cultural susceptibility to guilt. In my family, I am usually the guilt-ee – i.e., my mother makes me feel guilty. But I have found myself projecting my own bad feelings onto Mr L, now that I’ve realized that he can, in fact, take on guilt himself.

I really, really don’t want to turn into my mother and be the guiltor in this relationship. I have to be very careful not to take advantage. It’s not a healthy pattern at all, for either or both of us.

This morning, for example, he didn’t call first thing, nor had he called even an hour later, though he said he would call this morning (as he has each morning for the past couple weeks). Not sure what was going on, I called him, and he was just wrapped up in some listening for a review he was writing. Didn’t even acknowledge that he hadn’t called. I was annoyed because I had been waiting to shower, eat breakfast, etc., till I heard from him – basically building my morning around his call, which I’ve gotten in the habit of. But he wouldn’t know that, would he? I thought about calling him on it, then I realized, no, I can just go about my morning, and if he calls, fine, and if not, that’s fine, too. It also isn’t a test of his love…. he was just going about his life. As I should. And, in return, I shouldn’t play any games – i.e., I’ll call him if I want to and have time tonight, and if not, he’ll live.