By seeing the ugliness in myself, I have managed to forgive my mother. I think I was so intent in never being anything like her – that I have trying to hard to pretend to be someone else. I’ve really had to face myself down here. Not easy, but worth it. I can see how and why I’ve been so hurt, and I also see that the world doesn’t revolve around me. Slowly, I am outgrowing my selfishness, and I guess other people also. I just don’t feel mad at her anymore, or guilty – which was the main source of my anger, now that I think of it. The guilt is bullshit, the judgement is bullshit. Realize that I have a right to be here, as myself, but I need to cut the crap.