wildflowerlove I'm just not strong enough.
Am I a hypocrite?
When he broke up with me, it was physically painful. I mean, obviously it was emotionally painful, and I felt like I was going to die from heartache, but my heart actually…ached. Every single beat of my bruised heart reminded me of him.
At first I wanted him back more than anything. I thought I needed him, I thought I couldn’t cope without him. Eventually I came to realise that being without him was actually better in some ways. I was happier, for a start, there’s no denying that. Though I love him (and yes, that is present tense, I will probably always love him) to bits, being with him didn’t always make me happy. He’s a difficult boyfriend to handle sometimes but he does genuinely care about and love me. I understood that but it was still incredibly hard to cope with a lot of the time.
Despite this, I still wanted him back. Even when I said I didn’t, I did. Another guy came into my life, who was nice, but not the one I wanted to be with. He’s a really good friend though.
Anyway, last week, my ex came back to me. He said he missed me, and he loved me, and he wanted to be with me again. He said that he wanted to be alone for a while to see whether it was the relationship he wanted or me personally. It was me.
I then yelled at him for about 20 minutes.
Once I’d calmed down, we talked things through. He took me out for dinner later that week and we kept talking. I told him about everything that I hadn’t said before, things I’d been too frightened to tell him, because I thought he’d have left me. I told him about everything that he’d done that had hurt me throughout our relationship. I genuinely don’t think he realised that there had been so many problems and how much he had hurt me, but he listened and took it all on board. Now we’re trying to move forward together, which is much better. I don’t know how long or even if this relationship will last, but I hope it does.
So, I ask again, am I a hypocrite? I said I wouldn’t take him back, and I did, but not in the way I expected. You see, when I hear these stories about couples that break up and get back together, I think that they’re flaky, and silly, and that breakups always happen for a reason and it’ll never last. Now I’m not so sure.