I love him dearly. i love him but…I’m pissed. He is my best friend and I could not imagine my life without him although, he doesn’t treat me the way I want my future hubby to treat. truth is he is perfect and I don’t want to admit it. So I dig for things that irratate me and quite frankly I don’t know how he puts up with me. I am a bitch. I never was before buti think I am deeeply trying to push him away from me because I am not ready. I am not ready to get married to my first boyfriend. I daydream all the time about dating around then coming back to him. I am a bitch. I have depression and I take all of it out on him. I am a bitch and I don’t deserve him yet he will never leave me. I am a jealous person…only when he doesn’t want to see me. I feel as if he doesn’t want to hang out with me when i want to I will ignore him…speaking of that I havve been having those thoughts again. I want to drive away and start my new life leaving everything behind and not letting anyone know where I am. That is where I am emotionally right now and i am taking it out on my boyfriend who I love and he doesn’t deserve it. I need to go back to the Lord.