Hello and good day to all of you.
For all of you out there who aspire a mermaid look no further; after years of study and research this method has been scientificaly proven to transform you into a real live mermaid. Ive tried all the spells and potions out there and believe me, none of them are as effective as this.
My collegues and ecstatic about this thrilling new break through in mermaidology, the understanding of DNA and the coorolation between fish and humans.
Ok, enough talk! I bet you’re all wondering how you can use this miracle in genetic science to change yourself into the mermaid of your dreams!!!
step 1: Make sure there is no one around because people who arent believers might be extremely shocked at the transformation. Also, it could be hazordous to their health.
step 2: Fill a bathtub full of ice so that the lower half of your body is completely submerged.
step 3: Place any sort of fish (dead or alive) within an arms length of your legs. It doesnt matter what type of fish, canned tuna has been proven to work just as well as any other type of fish. The type of fish has no impact on the tail you will eventually have.
step 4: Place a scented candle or strong scented marker close to the tub and inhale deepy for about 5 minutes but remain in the tub for 10.
step 5: Remove yourself and the fish from the tub. You must sleep within an hour of doing this and remember to keep the fish within an arms length of your body while asleep.
NOTE: Transformation will NOT happen immediatly; It may take up to a week for you to fully transform.
SCIENTIFIC EXPLINATION: exposing your legs to cold isolates the DNA in you and the fish making it easier to bond and manipulate durring the transformation. The marker or candle contains a recently discovered chemical compound known as tryptophan wich acts as the catalyst in jump starting the reaction between your DNA and the fish’s. This process causes a specific chromosonal gene in the fish wich has been scientifically proven to be the link between marine life and humans to bond with your most promonate genes; thus starting the transformation.
The official draft of this document will be published shortly; all rights and research related to this document are resereved by the JBSE institution for marine ecology and science.
Simon M. Rhett
Jasper R. Perry