(((((((((((Tiisi))))))))))

you are an inspiration to me; as such, I am sure you must be floating

such beautiful and true poems could not come from anyone who had not had thoughts like these, though I am not saying it is good for you to suffer

_{I understand how it is to want the man in your life to understand or at least want to understand your spirituality, and instead be met with anything on the scale between unconcern or a slightly furrowed brow to proffered practical advice, the worst, ha…sometimes I envy those who are content to stand in the same room and sing songs from the same page once a week or so…..but I’m not that ; )}

Because I have so enjoyed your poems these past months, let me share a favorite of mine, by Sara Teasdale.

The Lamp

If I can bear your love like a lamp before me,
When I go down the long steep Road of Darkness,
I shall not fear the everlasting shadows,
Nor cry in terror.

If I can find out God, then I shall find Him,
If none can find Him, then I shall sleep soundly,
Knowing how well on earth your love sufficed me,
A lamp in the darkness.

I like this because it is framed with peace. What kind of a god wants us to strive to be more than we are? I am not religious but I am open to what is. And what you are is fine, exactly as you are.

Peace.

Oh, Ti…

Let me tell you what I don’t understand about what you just said. Everything. I don’t understand everything that you just said.

But…

Let me tell you what I do understand. I understand every emotion that screams out at us. I don’t understand where they come from, but do I need to? Isn’t it enough that I understand and ache for your pain? I’d hold you if I wasn’t too lazy to drive the hour to get over the hill…and, well…if I was sure you wouldn’t set the dogs on me.

I can’t do anything else, Ti.

I’m simply not constructed to understand. There’s no way it will ever make sense to me. I’ve not a spiritual bone in my body, nor have I ever been especially introspective. I’ve never questioned or tried to change any aspect of my character…or perceived character…though I’ve sure made efforts to change my behavior. I’ve sort of reasoned my way thru life as best I could.

I don’t know your man, of course, but maybe he kind of feels the way I do. Maybe he is soaking up your pain and angst (by the way, points for existential angst. Soren would be prouder than I am) and he understands THAT really well…but just doesn’t know what to do to help you.

I dunno, Ti, I’m just thinkin’ out loud here.

For whatever it’s worth, you’re right up toward the top of my list.

......

Your post makes me think of two things: one, an experience, and the other, something I read.

The experience I took an acting class that mostly did “cold reads”: two people are given a script for a very short scene, and they perform it immediately, without looking it over or being told anything about the context. The object of this exercise was to just react to the other person and not “try” to make the scene conform to any expectations or standards—not even to what you think the words mean. Just pay attention, let the other person affect you however they do, react however you do, and that’s all. After a little while, you could easily tell when someone was “adding” (as the teacher called it): trying to make something happen which they thought should happen.

Now here’s the relevant bit. Very often, with only a couple lines to go in a scene, people’s performance would suddenly improve. Miraculously, it would all come together and the acting would just happen, without that icky, “acty” tone. Why did that happen right then? Because that was when they gave up.

Something I read In Male and Female, Margaret Mead wrote that in most human cultures, men’s lives are centered around “doing” and women’s are centered around “being”. The reason she gave is that a man’s life is a highly uncertain venture, requiring that he push himself, take lots of risks, and create a kind of artificial or cultural life of achievement, and it often all comes to nothing; but women’s lives have more of natural schedule set by their bodies, so for women, life happens by tuning in to their bodies, just “being”, and letting the phases of their lives unfold naturally.

It’s a natural state, all we need to do is let go and do what we do best – be who we are. I often hear that it is hard to be just who you are but think about it: how can that be hard? It should take less energy than being someone we are not. So change the above to “be in the flow” and no effort is necessary.

My guy had enormous trouble ‘catching up’ with me and didn’t realise the depth of it for a long time. But if you keep expressing it, he will in the end. However, this is your challenge, not his. If you make it clear “I have to do this”, that should be enough for him. Besides, he is such a man. ;-)

^{What works for me (and it is quite a common exercise) is to ground myself. Sit on a chair, feel your feet on the floor, be conscious of what every part of your body feels like from the feet up, think and feel about every bit of it, and make it more yours than ever before. It does wonders for the mind. Don’t think you’re waiting for practical pointers here but I thought I’d share anyway. Hope it can’t hurt.}

(((Tiiss)))