Unfinished business
au revoir 5 months ago

If you walked down your local high street and saw a thug verbally and hatefully abusing a friend – actually, no, not even a friend, anyone – would you just look the other way, and keep on walking, pretending that it wasn’t happening, and that if you ignored it, that it would just go away?

Okay, you say 43Things is not real life, and you’re here to better yourselves and make this a better place for you, and your friends. Don’t you think that speaking out against such hatred here on 43Things will make a difference? 43Things is real life. You are all real people here. You form virtual friendships, which occasionally become reality. Even if you never meet your virtual friend, why would that stop you from speaking out against an assailant. I’d do it for any of my friends, real or virtual.

“Stop making a fuss, Cookie,” was the basic reaction I got here for trying to protect my wife and family. “You’re causing divisions within our harmonic group”. You wrote to me, not Enore. Are you people for real? Well, I’ll tell you what, you can keep your harmonic group and continue to ignore the hatred, and continue to look the other way, ignoring controversial, inflammatory posts on this site, whilst campaigning for your noble causes, which, no doubt make you all think that you’ve actually done something good for the world.

Have any of you who choose to ignore such filth, because it doesn’t really affect your lives, ever stopped to think about the actual people it may hurt? Wouldn’t you like to think that if such hatred were directed your way, that someone would be there for you? I suggest that you start clearing up your own community, first, before trying to save the world. It is not a nice place for all, especially if you’re Muslim, or from any place in the Middle East. But maybe, just maybe, you don’t actually care about these people. I’m sure that if someone came on the site talking about being a homophobe or a paedophile that the whole site would rise up as one in disgust. I guess Muslims are fair game though. I suppose they are just more different than the rest of us? Not worth defending. Sorry if I’m boring you all with my “self righteous” drivel, but I’m trying to make you all understand exactly how much my wife has been hurt by all of this. But I guess that’s just not your problem, is it?

Thank you each and every one of you who had the courage and dared to speak out against something so disgusting, and so inherently wrong, yet apparently completely acceptable to the majority on the site. Sure, I could have just blocked Enore and looked the other way, but then I wouldn’t have been true to my Iranian wife, would I? And I really hope that Hippiechick, who was a completely innocent casualty in all of this, comes back (if she actually wants to). I also hope that Artemis comes back. She’s a human being with feelings, too, she told us all before leaving. I hope she remembers in future that there are millions of other human beings with feelings out there, too, should she ever decide to play her games again.

I just want to get up, tomorrow morning, and get on with my work, and not have to worry about coming on here to see what all the arseholes are up to. So I’m leaving, for now. I have better places to be.

A few personal notes before I finish:

Ember: You had the guts to quietly call us names on another thread, and jump in condemning me on another, but didn’t have the guts to actually respond to my wife’s direct question to you. Probably because you realized she was Iranian. I accepted my responsibility in the matter. Did your friend, Enore, accept his? You puzzle me more than the others; you are all for telling us all how the brave souls in Iran are doing, yet when you have the chance to do something in your own world, you stumble, and, what’s worse, you complain about someone else trying to do something. Double standards. I hope you accept your responsibility in this matter, but I think you’re too much of a coward and too much of a hypocrite.

Cessie: I really like you and am sorry that we shan’t get to interact more on here. Flirt knows how to reach me, if you want to stay in touch.

Flirt, Denises, LL, Benji (better late than never;)) and several others: Love to you all. Please keep in touch. You should all be proud of yourselves, regardless of what anyone else says.

Nudey: You’re completely crazy, but I love ya. You have more integrity in your little finger than most of these people will ever have. And fuck ‘em if they don’t like me using that word. They seem to be more concerned about the use of the word integrity than they do “Muslim.” I’m sorry to leave you pretty much alone in the good fight, but being here is becoming a serious energy drain for both Roxi and I.

Heaveemetal: You’ve made assumptions, and chosen to privately mail your thoughts to other people, without bothering to ask us. You’ve then sat on the sidelines taking your cheap shots. Sure, you’ll probably deny it, but I’m pretty sure that the majority of your recent posts were directed at my wife and I. In my opinion, if you meet someone from the virtual world, they become real. My wife thought you were her friend; she would have defended you to the last, had she heard someone badmouth you. And another thing, for one against taking sides in such matters, you certainly show up in plenty of Enore’s anti-Muslim rants.

Todd: Sorry, but I guess the meet-up’s off. You know Heavee was talking about Roxi in his posts (who else would you be meeting soon?). In your own words, you said, “You know my thoughts on this. It amazes me how people react sometimes, and I fully agree with you that you and I are both better off not wasting our time on people like that.” Sorry, but we wouldn’t want to waste our time, either. Would you like me to apologise for the fact that Roxi and I both reacted to an attack on Roxi and our family? It’s not going to happen, and I’m sure you’d protect your own family with the same vigour.

Matty: We’ll see you and LL some other time, sorry.

Uncle Enore: Do you mind if I call you Gregory, it seems so much less sinister. Anyway, Gregory, please wipe that smug grin off your face. Please don’t think of this as a victory, it’s just that I don’t have the time to deal with this at the moment, or have the patience to put up with those who think it’s okay to look away from something so ugly. Sure, some are just weak, but some are cowards. I’m not deleting; I’m leaving my words here for all to see and remember. This is unfinished business.



Comments:

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Cookie

I am so sorry to see you leave 43things (temporarily, I hope) because of that dirt bag’s RACIST comments. But I totally understand wanting to get away from this environment after dealing with such hateful people. That’s why I’ve come and gone over the last couple of years. Thank you for getting me back on the site and thanks for all of your wit and encouragement. You have always been such a positive figure here and I hope you return. Also, I truly admire and understand your standing up for your wife. You are a good man.
Thanks for everything.

He is a good man

I’m indescribably proud to be married to such a good, noble, admirable man. He wanted to give up on all his goals, but I insisted that he must mark “be a great husband” complete, as he truly is.

revengeofnudefreedom Merry Christmakwanzakuh!

And he should be as proud of you, as you are of him...

And again he is worthy of your pride. :-)

emiliakaarina wishes everyone very happy holidays! Hyvää joulua! :)

This sounds awful.

I don’t really know what’s going on, but I’ll find my way to the thread that everyone seems to be talking about. From what I’ve gathered so far it does not sound good at all. I’m really disappointed that “the good old people” of 43things can’t live harmoniously, so to speak. It always makes me sad to see fights going on here.

I haven’t interacted with you before, but I still wanted to say that I’m very sorry for what has happened to your family. You certainly seem to be a great husband, I’m happy your wife has you by her side.
I can’t stand racism, in any form, and attacking Muslims in any way is definitely not a good thing in my books. No person in this world should have to deal with that, no matter what their religion, origin, sexuality etc. is.
So good luck to your family, all the best & I’m sorry that you had to leave the site for something as nasty as this.

Benji is very happy to see Mari back!

I haven't found that thread.

And I haven’t looked. I don’t know what i would do if I did and whatever I did it couldn’t fix it so I am going to leave it die.

I have so much admiration for you standing up for Roxi and for all the people who were abused and berated in that thread. Of course you did it though, because that’s what good people do, they stand up for what is right and they don’t tolerate bigotry.

Cookie. Your presence here is not something that can be replaced. I understand after reading this that 43 has been ruined for you and Roxi and I understand that if that is how you feel then you have to go, if it doesn’t make you happy then let it go, and it’s not just not making you happy it’s making you sad and angry.

I am so gutted, i hope you’ll come back, I’ll understand if you don’t.

Thank you for contributing to the most fun I have had on line ever (the legendary “get the hell out of dodge” thread), being an incredible sparring partner and being even kinder, funnier, sweeter and more gracious in real life.

my life is better for knowing you & Roxi.

I can only stand to type this because I have the great honour to know you both personally and to know that we will see each other really soon.

xxx

Funtash loves 43things. Gotta get back soon.

:/

A shame. But I understand.

Lady Grinning Soul might have a new boiler on Tuesday; fingers crossed

Please don't go

I really, really don’t want to lose you and Roxi (that’s the selfish reason) and this site doesn’t need to lose any more decent people either (that’s the slightly less selfish reason).

In honesty, I do understand and of course you shouldn’t stay somewhere that causes either of you such pain, I just wish it wasn’t so.

For me, meeting the two of you was the silver-lining in the black cloud of that thread. Now you’re going which means only the black cloud gets to stay; how is that right? If this exodus of decency continues, all that will be left on 43T is thunderclouds and bullshit. The bloody bully wins again.

I can’t find the right words today; I’m really going to miss the two of you on here, I’m sorry if anything I did or said (or didn’t do or say) made either of you feel let down, and please, can we stay in touch?

Hugs and love to both of you,
x

SimplyStacey Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays, everyone!

damnit Cookie

I just subscribed to you! and I like being subscribed to you!!

Believe me, when you delete you can really regret it. Or…um…so I’ve heard.

Of course you know what’s best for you, and I respect that…

revengeofnudefreedom Merry Christmakwanzakuh!

Yeah, uh, er, umm.... a "little birdie".....

once told me that too. ;-)

Cora_and_Clarice is full of cookies

But I only found you yesterday!

And was so impressed by the things you have to say and your great sense of humour. Roxi, I hadn’t had the good fortune of coming across you yet, but I am very sure that you are every bit as fine a person seeing as you are mate to one :)

And now you’re leaving?!!!

I can see from your post that you are both very angry and hurt and rightfully so. I can understand that this kind of behaviour might make you want to leave. I can see that of all the options you have available to you, leaving is the most protective. But I am not sure it is the most assertive.

Let me make my case to you as to why you should stay:

Firstly, for yourselves – if you remove yourselves from a public domain that, sadly, includes detractors and trollish abusers, you also remove yourselves from supporters, friends, admirers…...and allies.

Secondly, for others like you – if you remove yourselves from said public space, you also reduce their numbers, their strength, their allies, your support, solidarity.

Thirdly, for others who are supposedly not like you – for the wealth of that public space. I’m from South Africa. We have 11 official languages, just to give you one measure of cultural diversity. I cannot describe to you the WEALTH that having so many different voices has brought to this country. From a space that was once wildly intolerant, something beautiful has grown. People here are confronted by difference. They may not always like it. They may grumble or there may be outright conflicts from time to time. But we have found a way to live with each other. Just like a family, I guess.

And thus fourthly, for the being able to live together bit of it – you see, more importantly, people here are being confronted over and over again by how not different they are. How much people all over the world are just people. How is anyone supposed to learn that if members of oppressed groups keep leaving instead of staying to represent? (I am aware of the argument that people are not obligated to represent, but you seem like the kind of people who do).

Here is a list of people who have also been tempted to storm off or curl up in a ball because of discrimination or ugly comments from others:

All women
Anyone who is not white
(I mean, so far we’ve already accounted for most of the planet so I should actually be able to stop here but….onward!)
Non-Christian people in Christian areas
Non-Muslim people in Muslim areas
(etc etc)
(and let’s not talk about the poor atheists)
Overweight people
Those with disabilities
Immigrants
The Willows of the world
The mentally ill
Many HIV+ people
The entire LGBT community
The elderly

I think that’s a good enough list. Do you want your action to change anything? If so, how will it change it? Once you have walked out with a flourish, what then? None of the people who come after you will know about it and, therefore, cannot ever benefit from it.

Let me make no bones about it. I am trying to change your minds. I would like to see you stay because it is the only way, and I mean the only way, in which real, long-lasting, meaningful change is ever brought about. So let me repeat my first and most pressing point so that it does not get lost in the novel I have written you:

Of all the options you have available to you, yes! leaving is the most protective, but is it the most assertive?

heartfood believes the worst is behind him and a lot of work lies ahead

Hear, hear!

This is a much more elegant argument than “just ignore the trolls” better known as “do not feed the trolls”. Socially conscious and persuasive. Well done.

Hope this changes your mind Cookie. It would mine :)

Hot Toddie Schoonover has run over 2400 miles this year

Woah

My comment to Heavee was not in regard to you nor Roxi. It was in regard to Enore. I’m sorry if you thought it was in regard to the two of you. I thoroughly support you in protecting your family and speaking your mind. I don’t believe that Enore will ever change his behavior though, and therefore don’t believe that he is worth the effort.

I haven’t seen the discussions that have been occurring. I don’t have the time to read everything that everyone writes here. I comment on things here and there, and sometimes see someone’s response to something but don’t go back to read the whole thread.

If you think I’m a coward for not rushing in to defend Muslims everywhere from Enore’s comments, fine. To me everyone who was attacking Enore was only fueling him with further ammunition, and giving him power over you. He wasn’t worth the effort.

I’m sorry that you no longer want to meet me. I still want to meet you, and I know that the Robots were excited about meeting you and Roxi too when I discussed it with them. I hope that you’ll reconsider.

phensy Not so grand, times running short.

A cowards thoughts.

It is easy to love the beautiful, and those who agree with us. It is even easier to hate the ugly, the old, and those who shout us down with their bitterness and their violence.

It isn’t quite so easy to love those who hate us, who are different in thought, religion and politics.

This is the core of being a coward, to walk the middle line, to look for ways to include all and exclude none.

Not all arguments are simply black and white, or just have an answer a or answer b type solution. And if no one ever talks, but only erupts in war and fighting, then nothing can ever be truly built to last.

When we start to pull down the place where we live, who wins?? I know I for one come here for the friendships and the love I have found. And walking away from that is surely only letting the nasty side of human nature win.

Axx thinks the cheer fairy has no Chrstmas spirit

cheer

wren is mightier than grief.

You are

amazing, Phensy.

flowergirlresumed Expect wonderful things to happen...

He is

isn’t he… I say Phensy for Prime minister or President depending on where you live ;)

Axx thinks the cheer fairy has no Chrstmas spirit

Count

my vote as cast for that one.

phensy Not so grand, times running short.

Nah

honestly I am a coward at heart.

But I’ve seen enough to know that hatred + hatred = hatred, and somewhere somehow that cycle needs to be broken.

Anyway enough of my crap, here’s the musical interlude :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7d6ZwAp28Y

Maybe one day us humans really will make that great leap forward.

flowergirlresumed Expect wonderful things to happen...

Let's hope eh!!!

Billy Bragg, love him… He always has something good to say, don’t you think? Your words are true Phensy, hate only breeds hate and until someone makes changes then it will go on in an unceasing way… I’ll vote for you love… ;)

revengeofnudefreedom Merry Christmakwanzakuh!

Cookie, I love you too man!

And crazy is a good thing :-)

One of these days I hope to meet you and Roxi. Maybe even talk you into going to Wreck Beach with me and Charmaine. :-)

heaveemetal You've got dreams inside They cut I know Cut so deep but you never sho

It sounds like your minds made up about me so I won’t try and argue my case…other than saying the majority of my entries you may mention are directed at people who take things way too personally…and then lash out with verbal brutality causing members to delete their accounts…Shelly and Hippie’s accounts were bulldozed in such a manner…freedom of speech or cheering only works for some on this site…

You and Roxi are a great 43Things success story. You both have much to offer in example and entries…The fact you are giving up and allowing the words of another to control you, by leaving and not meeting worthy people just gives hate more power…Hate has enough power here lately…

I have chosen to ignore most of it, and try and limit it’s growth…I see it still festers…I have failed…

Stay and provide insight and light to counter the darkness…

SnapCracklep0p wishes everyone a blessed Christmas! Peace on earth goodwill to all <3

Hear hear!

Applause

damn cheer fairy

(This comment was deleted.)

So sad...

...that I have finally made it back to the site and will not have your posts to look forward to again. I fully understand and support your reasons for leaving (thank you for leaving this post up for the clueless), although having been gone, I am completely unaware as to what transpired.

I didn’t really know you, but I just wanted to say thanks for your support in the past and I hope you eventually come back!

Lady Grinning Soul might have a new boiler on Tuesday; fingers crossed

I really miss

both Cookie and Roxi :-(

Here seemed as good as any place to say it. I don’t like the memories this post brings back, or what it represents.

I just miss them.
x

I'm not much in here...

...anymore.
I missed the whole upheaval, I just noticed something was going on a while back.
I know is not always the best thing, but I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and like to think the best of people, so for Enore, though probably the strangest person I’ve ever read in this site, I looked around everything that he spouted out and focused on the things he showed heart. I avoided him most of the time though fearing getting in cross fire too, and being in a position where I would get offended by him, because I wouldn’t know what to do.

You and Roxy are of my favorite people here, and I loved being part of the years that 43things was our playground, and so many wonderful things happened, like you two getting together; it doesn’t get any better than that!!!

I’m so sorry for whatever it was that happened here. I didn’t even think it was possible or allowed to make personal attacks that would end in what I find today.

You were brave standing up to him, and defending Roxy.

And I still would love to meet you both!!!


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