I really love the Sara Bareilles song “Gravity”... I think it’s the one thing that I “fall to” when I really miss him. This thing, this pull, is so much like gravity. I know, as well as anyone, that the longer I go that he is inaccessible. As the song says… ”...but you touch me for a little while, and all of my fragile strength is gone…”
And it’s been awhile. I lost count of the days (which is an important step.)
I’ve been here before. It had been almost 6 months of no communication and I was doing amazingly well, until I heard from him. I crumbled…

I’m in a good place.
I do miss him, and if I allow myself to dwell on that, I can’t breathe. BUT I can move beyond that. I don’t NEED him, to breathe. I don’t feel this consuming need to reach out to him.

When a dark moment comes I just sing these words over and over… Because the truth in them in everything.

”...But you’re neither friend nor foe, though I can’t seem to let you go the one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down…”