I am going through something right now…I have this intense desire to know myself…the good and the bad. To see myself clearly and impartially and solve all the problems and imperfections in my character. I know I will never be perfect this side of heaven but I just want to start working on things. I wish I had someone who liked to discuss the deeper things of life. I sometimes feel like my need for self discovery is sinful to a degree when I could be putting my energy in helping others. I think my main problem is I have all this time on my hands with no one but me so I suppose it is natural to want to be introspective. I heard n interview with one of my favorite singers – Rob Thomas, about his addiction to twitter and how he doesn’t want to be narcissistic and have an idea and have to share it with the world…but he does…thought that was really cute…but I do the same thing. Is it wrong? Like I know I think and overanalyze things way too much but lately I just want to take the Bible/human wisdom and things I have learned and come up with black and white answers…you should do this you shouldn’t do this…there is soooooo much gray to life it seems….things that are ok to do but take them too far and they are a sin…I don’t know how to not take anything too far. I am very single minded…now if I could just get single minded about God I could be a really good servant for Him.
Anyway, I also sometimes get stuck in the mindset that I have to solve all my broken pieces before I can do anything else…be any use to anyone, find love etc…I know this isn’t true or the only happy married successful people would be perfect i.e. there would be none…I don’t know. I just have this intense desire to give the best of me and that requires knowing who I am…
seriously if I didn’t know better and was reading this…I would think I had some deep mental issues lol I can write a book and never say a thing…