A review should be a simple matter when one has just three goals as I have this year.

1. W(rite, but also work)

2. R(elationships)

3. B(ody)

1.
As for work and writing it hasn’t been bad, one book is out and another is to be before end 2009. I’m getting to know more colleagues and feel less of a stranger around my workplace. I passed my probation, which feels good. There are still issues and objections towards working in this place, and they are big issues for me: the colleagues are awful in general and behave in hateful ways towards female colleagues that have no power whatsoever. This is not a problem of my department, in the whole academic senate there is no woman. It depresses me awfully. The second problem is that I discovered that I can work, and work well and work a lot. But the sparkle is not there. I don’t feel excited by what I’m doing, because mostly is obeying to orders. “You have to write about this” and I do that. I hate being given orders, and yet I’m in no position to have any autonomy for now. This is the second most depressing thought. From outside it seems that everything is going very well, there are people who even envy me, and yet I know the truth and I don’t want to go on like this and don’t know what action to take. Stuck. Badly so.

2.
As for relationships, I managed to solve the big knot in my life, and I’m so happy the awful part is over! I didn’t know that is was sugar-soluble, and that between me and my mum we together could make each others’ lives so sweet! Mums are always such a distress and such a surprise at the same time. This is a total success. As for other relationships I’m as bad as ever. My friends get some phone calls some now and then (mostly then). With my mate I’m not sure if we are settling for separate lives and if we’ll be both happy with that. I think none of us realises what it means and if we can go on like that. I still have a hometown where I am mostly absent and a worktown that I associate with unpleasant feelings. So?

3.
Ah, the serious part at last! I am as devoid of any muscle as I ever was I’m afraid, but now I have lots of beautiful jogging attire and enjoyed greatly running by the sea. On March I joined a swimming course and am about to renew the subscription now. I swim in a funny way though. I look like some U-boat in existential crisis: I swim in circles, this is most embarassing. It’s due to me having an arm which is much weaker than the other. The only solution is to make the other one just as weak.

Other stuff:
- I discovered Psmith for the first time in my life but a week ago and I can’t imagine how I lived till now ignoring him.

- started reading ads to buy a flat in hateful worktown. getting depressed everytime and wondering how to turn my life upside down instead

- yes, I’ve been away, at first it was having to finish the book, then it was an effort to limit my time on the internet, and then it was time to be back.