I still believe this, but ugh. K. Long story. Been putting of this for a long time.

K so, I was on depo for a really long time and if screwed with my emotions, my mind and my body. I shut down a lot of myself and thought that I didn’t want to be with someone. Maybe partly I believed my own crap that no one wants to be with a plus size woman (low point) and build up this facade to say, bah I don’t want to be with you. You get no choice. Meh.

Anyways, it screwed with me. In my heart I still know that I do not need a romantic relationship to have a happy and successful life, and I do show it to others but sometimes now that I am trying to find my emotional way back to what is really normal it is hard.

I was having my low lonely moments and was dealing just fine until someone came along and showed interest in me. Everything physically between us came so easily, but my unevolved emotions (off for so long hadn’t developed into maturity) got in the way.

So now, I am a little boy crazy and whatever was between us is totally gone. I feel like crap about it all the time. The fact that I enjoyed myself immensley when I was with him is a hard memory to shake.

I used to be steadfast in my resolve in this goal, but I was a different person when it began. I feel lonely. Today i don’t really feel like being strong.

Bleh, this is a low post but it needed to be said. I should also note ending the depo meant getting a period again, and that means the mood swings, and yup, I am in one full swing.