emiliakaarina happy poppy
I’ve been thinking about something quite a bit lately. Am I capable of deep thinking? Or do I mostly just float on the surface, not being able to dive really deep? I’ve had this floater idea of myself for many years now and sometimes I feel that it hurts me in some way, not being able to think really deeply. This feeling gets even stronger when I’m surrounded by really analytical and philosophical people at the university, I somehow feel that I am below them, not on their level. Heavy thinkers seem to be somehow better than me, in a certain aspect. It feels like I’m lacking something. And I should mention that Juho, my love, is definitely a heavy thinker as well, his mind keeps buzzing constantly and it’s really fascinating to see what comes out.
But on the other hand, am I looking at this from the wrong perspective? Does it really matter if I’m not a really deep person? It’s okay to be “normal” – Juho keeps saying that he feels comforted to know that I’m his link to “the normal world”, heh. Not all people need to be so analytical, so deep, so pensive. Some of us need to be down-to-earth. Some of us can stay quiet, when others discuss complex things. We’re all different, after all, and that’s the way it’s meant to be. That’s the right way.
Also, could I be mistaken: am I in fact capable of deep thinking but I just don’t realize it myself, since I’m so used to thinking that I’m not good at it? This might also be the case, my own perspective might be just twisted. It’s sometimes really hard to correct your own ideas about yourself if they’re slightly off. I should need to get rid of this way of thinking and just accept myself as I am, be it a heavy thinker or not. Because I do sometimes see that I’ve thought about something very carefully; that I have insightful, new thoughts to offer and so on.
Must investigate this thing further.



