I want to fall in love more then anything in the world. I have experienced childlike enthusiasm though heartbreak looking for it. I am burnt out. I know I am worthy of it, but I am convinced that “I” am not going to find it. It is out there for me but so long as “I” amd looking and focusing on this particular goal it is not comming. I also know that if you want something bad enough then you need to make room for it in your lives. I am in a good place for it but it could be better. I like to think of it soart of the same way I would look at pregnancy. There is no doubt in my mind that something huge is on it’ts way. I am excided and blessed and know that for better or worse this is going to affect my life in a way more huge then I can imagine. freating over it like I have done is about as productive as watching paint dry. Instead, I am going to prepare my life for this huge wonderful change. I am going to start nesting, while making sure I am healthy enough to welcome the wonderful change to my life so I am well enough to keep it thriving and happy. I am getting rid of vices that are not adding to my vision of my wonderful new addition. I often think about how greatful I will be, and I can feel that in every part of me, especially when I see it in other people. I also notice now how much I am learnining in contrast what I truly wnat and dont want. I realize also that though good relationships I have had, bad ones, through friends and people at work, I am provided constant examples of what I want. I do believe I deserve it, and I believe there is someone out there who is looking for me too. I am greatful that I have come to this place. I will let it come to me now. It feels nice to let go. the love I was looking for was more heavy then I think it should be. Holding on to it as hard as I had has made me bitter at times too, and that should not be any part of the process. no, I relese it. I am letting go and letting God.