I feel like the past few years have seen me become extremely scared of failure….with the interesting thing being that I start so many things, freak out and don’t finish them anyway and reinstate my view that I am a failure. I think that uni really knocked me around, I was scared to go there in the first place but was determine to prove to myself that I could….and I did for a while. But, then the old self doubt came up and unfortunately I let it win. I used to be thin, but started to get content with my partner and relaxed way too much on the healthy eating and exercising and now find myself in a position where I can’t stand the body or lifestyle that I lead. I am so far away from where I want to be in my life it is ridiculous. I always feel like I put everybody else first….because if I don’t then I will have a guilt trip to face and I am tired of it. I don’t know how to make me happy as well as everyone else. I think I have become a people pleaser/a mat that everyone can walk all over. I dont know….I know that I am a nice person who is happy to help people but at what cost am I paying personally for all my giving? I get scared to tell people of what I am about to achieve because I feel like they all doubt my ability anyway. I have joined 2 gyms in the past 5 years and only been maybe 10times in that whole period – the money that I have wasted. Not to mention the numerous times I have joined weight watchers or started a health kick only to put the weight back on. I find it so damn hard to change. I have this monkey on my back the whole time. arrrrrggghhhhhhh, I am over it. Even when I am succeeding like I did about 3-4 months ago having lost 5kgs I got slack and put all the weight back on. People at work were so complimentary, now I just feel embarrassed as I am more uncomfortable than before. I want my partner to help me, be supportive of me in all areas but I just can’t get that from her. I want to get my life back on track!