Or, as that translates inside my head ‘It’s complicated being a Wizard’....thank you Portugal the Man.
So, I’m going to be suspending my MA studies for a year which both sucks and blows simulatiously. It is for the best though, even if the greater good means that I have to put a deeply fulfilling occupation to one side. A year ago I was full of doubt about whether I was clever enough to do an MA now I worry that I might not get a distinction and that I might not get to do a PhD afterward.
Is this magic? Well, I never thought that I would have to make these kinds of choices ever. I’ve been offered a job, a good job researching a subject I’m very interested in and passionate about and this just so happens to coincide with my near financial ruin and someone in my family being pretty unwell and me needing to spend more time with them. I’m excited about the job and quite frankly just amazed that I actually managed to get a job in the current economic climate. However I am completely bummed out to be putting uni on hold. Sometimes when I visualise my MA graduation ceremony I get tearful because it will mark the end of an extrodinary amount of effort, nerve and personal (and financial) sacrfice on my part to bring me to that moment. The fact that I’m defering seems even more sad by the fact that my lovely tutor emailed me today to tell me that I was an “excellent student” and that it was very important that I returned to complete my studies. I do intend to return, my heart is set on it. It’s just sad that I have to leave for a year. I suppose the magic is the fact that losing something makes you realise just how much you loved it. It feels like the time I lost my guitar except this time I’m not going to get my course back for a whole year….