there is truly space in your life for good things to come in.

there is one sentence that jumps out at me;

I feel lost and naked without the drama

To me, within this statement is the key to the release you seek. It’s so easy, especially when your history of relationships has not been good, to get hooked on the roller coaster of breaking up and making up….to need the adrenaline rush the drama gives you just to feel alive, especially when there is nothing else on offer.

How many times, in my younger years, did I turf out a decent guy because he was ‘boring’ or too staid? Way too many is the answer to that. I sought the ‘excitement’ of the drama and abuse, the challenge of a guy who didn’t really want me.

Why? Because I didn’t like myself so on some deep level I couldn’t respect a guy who liked me. Like, he must be so dumb to think I’m nice so why would I give him my time? The nasty guys, well they confirmed my inner feelings about myself and my twisted thinking kept me being there, trying to ‘prove’ myself in the hope I could win approval. If the guy who could see the ‘real’, ‘scummy’ me would just start to approve of me, then maybe I would be worth something after all. How backwards is that thinking?

Read what Tarrador has written to you under your ‘Want a Partner’ post and keep on reading and re-reading it. Then look to yourself and ask yourself why you shouldn’t have those things? Why would you want to punish yourself by letting a guy who offers you none of the things you deserve continue to be in your life?

You may feel lonely now he’s gone, but how much lonelier was it for you when he was there? At least on your own there is the potential to do something to combat the emptiness.

Love and hugs to you DCL from me…..don’t forget to give some to you from you.
x

I feel lost and naked without the drama

The good thing about you making this statement is that you have identified the behavior and that is something I admire! With your beautiful spirit, I have no doubt that this is something you can work on and correct.

I don’t mean to get on a soapbox, but somehow I feel it coming on and hope you don’t mind if I release some of my own frustration with friends who are not as astute as you are and do not recognize their behavior. You just hit the nail on its head with this description of how some people look at drama. I’ve struggled to describe it. But, there are others that do not realize their behavior. They seek the next controversy, the next person to shun and complain about, the next argument, the next self-righteous moment, the next thing to get “up in arms” about. They will not admit they are wrong when they are wrong, because they can feel a good argument coming on and the adrenaline starts to flow as they eagerly anticipate all the wicked emotions that are soon to follow. And then, they can’t figure out why people feel upset and stressed around them. I just felt a great sense of relief in reading your post. Thank you for writing your feelings out here!

_{(I hope the you don’t feel I am indifferent to your healing path and I want to send sincere, caring thoughts your way…You sparked something in me with your distinct writing that helped me work something out in my mind, and for that I thank you!!)}