Solola Shaw checking in and looking for a place to blog
Our lives are taking us in different directions I guess – 2 hour drive away…not a huge distance but yeah I think it has more to do with how much our lives are going to change in the next few months, the fact that its getting harder to see each other, and missing each other makes us both growly and snappy…He is starting a new job, I have a lot of insecurities (check out previous posts if you don’t believe me) I should have taken the 2 years off after my divorce before getting seriously involved with anyone…but I didn’t listen to my mom and even though he broke up with me – I don’t regret not listening. Love isn’t enough at this time – but it doesn’t change the fact that atleast now I know I am capable of loving someone…and now I just have to focus on everything else I am capable of – like being a great mom, writing my book, and focusing on where my life is going to lead me. Who knows maybe when I grow and get past my insecurities and realize that no one can really love me if I don’t let them in all the way – I will be a lot happier. I am marking this off my list and replacing it with Stop Procrastinating because if there is one thing that the guy taught me – it was how to love…now if I find a way to be happier within myself and figure out how to be the best woman I can be…maybe then and only then will I attempt this goal again. For now I believe that I have completed it – and although its over now … he knows I love him – I told him – and I seriously can’t see those feelings dissapearing anytime soon. From day one he always made me want to be a better person – now I’m focused on doing just that…if in the end we get back together and live happily ever after – yay! That’s what was meant to be…if he finds happiness somewhere else – thats okay too. Even though I’m hurting now – and I don’t know what my future has in store with me…I know one thing for sure – I did fall ridiculously, wrecklessly, head over heels in love with him…and I don’t regret it.