Then:

Last year I lost my job. At my last job I had amazing relationships with my co-worker. Now since the job no longer link us together the natural thing is for us do our own thing. I was always grateful to have them around. In happy moments I always would wonder how it would all end; it ended so soon. I guess I clinged to them because my other friendships was on the rocks. I don’t blame other people for relationship problems. But I truly believe that I was a good friend through all my imperfections.

Now:
It probably just selective memory but I feel like everything was better last fall. I had more friends, money, and boyfriend prospect. I had a better living space, job, and grade. Often time after class I become aware of lack of friendship when I can’t find anyone I feel comfortable enough to ask for lunch. Right now Im ultra sensitive so any kind of no I take as an rejection. My rational side says I need to relaxs. I hate how my lonely feelings make me so weak and vunerable. I try to cover it up. I truly feel like you can’t make a friendship happen; becoming friend with another is a natural process. It our responsibility to maintain it. So I think as long as Im worry about making a new friend I will jink myself. Why? Because I be reading to much into simple matters. Well I have one solution in mind. Sibce I’m a senior in college and I feel like new scenery will help. I hope this is so because I don’t want to run away from my problems. This writing is kinda depression. So on the up and up side I know that all this negative energy maybe a delusion. Life flows in cycles; sometime downtime is good. My alone time has me more driven, wiser, and god conscious.