I don’t think I know 150 people now – as a kid, my social circle was considerably smaller. :) And, knowing me, I would have been unhinged by a party that large.

I wish I had the photo here of my first birthday. Everyone’s smiling and excited…except for me. I’m staring at the cake, topped with that one flickering candle, with this tiny frown of utter confusion and disgust. A look that says “You baked me a cake and then you set it on fire?” (Mom says I got the hang of birthdays by my second one, but was generally befuddled by the first.)

I see so many moms that wear themselves out trying to come up with the cutest, most elaborate, most memorable parties (Halloween costumes, school projects, etc.) for their kids, who – unless kids have changed drastically since I was one – would be perfectly happy with a cupcake and a ride on the swings.

I get the excitement – I really do. I’m mentally decorating the nursery in an apartment I don’t live in, for a kid I’ve not conceived yet. But even I draw the line somewhere. (I have to…I’m well aware of how nuts I can make myself!)

I know it’s easier when there’s two of you, but plenty of women are single moms for one reason or another. And even though my boyfriend changed my mind about the insemination, I still feel better knowing that I can do this on my own – I mean, anything can happen.

For years, I agonized over having a baby. Either I wasn’t with someone, or I was with someone who didn’t want kids. And I told myself that I couldn’t have a baby alone – both financially/emotionally and physically. (Asexual creatures just don’t know how good they have it. :)

Then I realized that this is something I want badly enough to make it work. That I didn’t have to have every last detail planned out (though I did take a year to get a leg up on my debt and try to get my body in better shape). I do still worry about some aspects, because that’s just the way I am. But I think with things like this, you just have to believe everything will work out in the end.

I found some excellent websites you might want to take a look at – some blogs, some entire sites, and a news story I found interesting. You have to hunt to find stuff for SMC (single mothers by choice), because most places out there assume you’ve got a partner. Hope these help – and good luck to you!

http://sarah-solitaire.blogspot.com/
http://meandbaby.wordpress.com/tag/single-mother-by-choice/
http://singlemothers.org/cms/index.php
http://www.babyzone.com/mom_dad/single_parent/article/pregnancy-without-partner
http://www.life123.com/parenting/pregnancy/infertility/artificial-insemination-options-for-single-women.shtml
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2357041469 (if you’ve got a Facebook page, and want to join the group…seems like a good resource for moral support and advice from people who have been there)