the good – i have managed to cut down mt emails to 12986!!! getting there slowly.

the bad, in the midst of all this sorting and deleting emails i came accross emails from my ex bf.and i read some of them. i havent found all of them as these are emails spanning 3 years from right in the beginning when we met. anyway so i read a few of the last emails we sent each other from when we were in the weird stage and were in the midst of breaking up but still dating (dont ask). just reading the emails made me sad. there were some that were so loving and romantic, and where we were trying to work things out, and apologising for things that happened etc… and then there were some that were absolutely awful, painful to read. where we absolutely hated each other, swore at each other etc. some emails that started off well with good intentions etc, and then after a few replys back and forth ended up with anger and hate and swearing. its sad to see them and read them. its hard, seeing these emails my ex used to send, so loving the one minute and the next minute telling me why i am so this and that and hopeless and picking out all my faults and what i did wrong in the relationship and this and that, and swearign at me. its crap. it jsut brought back some memories of the past.

and it made me realise i am better off with out that man, he was too tempermental, could do no wrong, i was to blame for everything etc blah blah. funnily enough i deleted everything in my life that reminded me of him, even on here (deleted most posts bout the relationship), but when i was going through some of these emails today, i couldnt bring my self to delete them. not sure why. and if u read some of them u would think i was nuts to keep them, how hurtful they are from him to me, and me to him. i think i want to keep it as a reminder of how bad things got, and to never be involved with someone like that again. i am pretty much over the guy, think about him occasionally but will never go back. someday maybe in 6 months or so i might delete them all. just not yet.