But I’m grateful that my partner’s sex drive is higher than mine, and I’m grateful that we seem to have come to place that’s comfortable and satisfying for both of us around this issue. I hear so many couples struggling with frequency: The partner with a lower sex drive feeling burdened by his/her partner’s desire; The partner with the higher sex drive feeling hurt, shut out, undesirable, angry or resentful; The partner with the lower sex drive feeling blamed, or pressured to do more than they want to do.

Perhaps the nonmonogamy is part of what takes the pressure off in our relationship. My partner has the freedom to seek additional partners if he wishes. He hasn’t often availed himself of that privilege, but knowing he could at any time probably puts a little more of the responsibility on him (instead of making it easy for him to blame me or feel resentful towards me if at any moment he’s feeling unsatisfied). But still, I love him and I want him to be happy and relaxed and satisfied. So I initiate sex whenever the thought crosses my mind that I might sorta want some, and he almost always says yes. He initiates too, and sometimes I say no. Either way, I get more sex than I would if it were just up to me, and it’s always fun. (So that’s why I’m grateful his drive is higher than mine.) I’m pretty much always glad I did it. I feel good. But I also don’t feel tense or pressured when he initiates and I say no.

There is such a sense of gentleness and ease between us about this. I’m very, very grateful for that.