What a frightening experience…for ALL of you. No child deserves to be hit.

:( Now I’m sad.

what a horrible thing to happen to him when he was only being nice… I think as parents we feel it much more than our kids do. Our first instinct is to protect them from stuff like this but it is not really possible and we can feel sad and shocked when and if we can’t… They head out into the world at school age and their little lives change as do ours… I guess the separation from parents during this time is how they learn to deal with the world at large and it is not always a nice place. Anyway he sounds like he’s dealt with it okay, bless him. Your reaction is totally natural and I am sorry that it is something that you both had to deal with. Take care…

Cheers for you handling the unexpected situation so well. The explanation to Isak was very appropriate, I feel.

The three of you deserve a big mug of hot chocolate with extra marshmellows for tea. Sending warm hugs your way..

Sometimes the world just sucks. Kudos for handling it so calmly; I know I couldn’t have. And kudos for raising a son who can take it in stride.

You can’t completely protect Isak from the world, but you can help and support him as he learns what it’s all about. That’s what you did, and he will be the better man for it. Well done!

I remember exactly how it felt the first time something like this happened to my daughter. It’s a combination of shock, anger, concern for both kids and just yucky. Kids do mean stuff and it isn’t always the parents fault. Kids are quick. It’s good that you let the mom know but weren’t aggressive and escalating. Everyone loves their kids and 99% of us would be mortified if our kid did this. It’s always best to model reasonable adult behavior to kids too.
I actually have to watch these situations because of work and it really usually is just a moment of behavior gone bad. Immaturity too at that age.
As adults we view things as bigger issues. Is society breeding violence, are parents being abusive and kids acting out, is there something in the community water system that’s affecting kids minds? That’s why we are affected, because we are responsible citizens.
We also don’t want our peaceful children to have to cope with this. It’s heartbreaking what our kids will deal with and being there to support them is our job. We can’t control other peoples kids but we should not assume the worst of them or their parent. We can teach non-violence but we also have to teach coping skills.

Thanks for listening. And thank you all for the excellent feedback. That whole releasing your child into the wild world scares me sometimes, especially after watching horrible news stories or being confronted face to face with situations like this. Not that I’m turning him loose at 4, but these are babystep days, and I can think ahead and shudder a little.

I’ve always liked the self defense idea – for the self-esteem benefit more than being able to whip someone’s bum, but I think sometimes if you’re a non-violent person but have the ability to defend yourself well, you project a different kind of calm & self assuredness that can help avoid situations.

I had a roommate once, who worked as a bouncer. He wasn’t pumped up, but he was a martial arts whiz, and projected this calm and strength that would somehow diffuse situations 9 out of 10 times, even with drunken a-holes. The few times it didn’t, he could act quickly and non-dramatically to get troublemakers on their merry way. It was beautiful to watch.

There’s always roughhousing on playgrounds, and I usually let him deal with the run-of-the-mill bully stuff, but full force (even kid force) closed fist to the face? Twice? And the look of hatred on his face? I shouldn’t make assumptions about his home life, maybe tv helped feed the beast here, something seemed to be off. I’m glad I kept my cool. Not nonchalant, but respectably calm. Our kids watch us more than we’re aware of, I’ve seen some surprising little reflections.

I think a preference of non-violence, good coping skills (and humor – never underestimate the power of making a bully laugh) with the ability to take care of yourself if it gets down to fisticuffs is an important mix to aim for.

What a horrible experience for him (and you and Markus).

You’re a great mom and I’m sure you will help him to find the right balance to enable him to stand up for himself without feeling the need to match aggression with further violence. What a shame though that a child so young should be having to learn about such things already.

(((Hugs))) to all of you and some Happy Feet for Isak.
x

You did the right thing.

I’ve been a early childhood professional for more than 5 years, with having a little time off to raise my own. And it’s sad to say that things like this happen all the time. Not necessary that violently or suddenly… but it does happen. And it sucks… Most of the time it’s provoked, “He took my toy.” “She said something mean.” etc. And that you can deal with, that is just normally childhood stuff. For what you said, this little guy seems to be dealing with some issues, mom being pregnant… etc. Plus, well, you never know what is going on at home. I’m not saying that is what is going on but for a child to be that violent there is something behind it.

What do you do? It’s hard not to want to strike back yourself. I am proud of what you and Markus did. You kept cool, and you said just the right things.

Isak is a good kid and has awesome parenting. It was a good thing that he was shocked and that he didn’t strike back.

You should be proud of yourself for saying something to that mother so that she can (hopefully) correct her child’s behavior and spare other children from this experience in the future. I wish there were something I could say to erase the shock and pain of an incident like this, but you should at least feel good about how you handled yourself.

has seeped it’s way into Isak’s world. It was inevitable but sad that it’s so soon. Not every violent situation CAN be avoided-especially the ones you don’t see coming-but it’s the coping that’s important; how to deal with it, how not to blame oneself and how not to retaliate – all excellent skills to have in the adult world.
You actually did Isak a great service by showing him how to address the situation without having gone balistic (which went against your natural mommy-instinct). Good mommy-cheers to you!!