Goals for the new year:
OK. I need to make some serious changes. I’ve let myself go lately, physically. My mental health has improved drastically in the past 12-18 months, but I don’t think I should limit myself to being ‘crazy and thin’ or ‘happy and fat’. Everything in life is going my way (besides my crappy job, but I’m trying not to let that rule my life!), so there’s nothing keeping me from getting my shit together. Here’s a short list of things I hope to accomplish in the coming year:
Quit smoking! This is VERY important to me. I hate thinking that I’ll pass my dirty habit on to my daughter. I don’t want to be a smoker. I feel dirty and stinky, I’m self-conscious about it all the time. It’s making my blood pressure high, it’s making my teeth fall out. It’s awful and I’m done. Danny quit over 6 weeks ago. I am SO proud of him! I want to be a non-smoker by the time he gets here!
Quit drinking so damn much! This goes hand in hand with the smoking. I drink for the same reasons I smoke, none of them valid. If I continue to drink, it will sabotage my other main goals of not smoking and losing weight! I smoke a hell of a lot more when I’ve had a drink. I drink white rum, which contains (supposedly) 0 carbs and 0 sugar, but definitely contains about 95 calories a shot! OMG! I won’t tell you how much I drink in a week, except to say that I could probably cut about 2500 calories out of my weekly diet, just by limiting alcohol to weekends.
Lose some weight! See above… I think I could lose at least 5 lbs in the next month simply by cutting alcohol. That’s fuckin sad. Anyway, I’ve gained about 30 lbs in the past year, and I do not want to gain more. When I moved to MO (about 2 years ago), I was size 12. That is a nice healthy size for me. Currently I’m an 18, pushing 20. That isn’t a bad thing, in itself, the issue is that the extra sizes I’ve picked up are all FAT and flab. My ideal size for my build is 10/12. I’d really love to fit into a 16 dress for my wedding. I don’t want to slip back into diet drugs and eating disorders, I want to do it right. I’d rather be a fit 14 than a sickly 12.
Keep a journal! I don’t think my goals are unrealistic, but I know it will take a lot of hard work to realise them. After 27 years, I understand myself well enough to understand how my brain works. I got some Xmas money from my future mother-in-law (so cool! She is the best!!). I will use some of it to purchase a nice journal, and I will write something in it every day.
