Tristan feels loved
I don’t want to do it all on my own anymore. Maybe it’s the only child in me that always assumes I can or I have to figure it out alone. I can’t. This Saturday convinced me. And, I don’t want to anymore.
To help me deepen my resolve, I’m going to make this goal my theme for next year. 2010 is going to be my,”Ask for what I need” year. I’m going to clearly, directly ask for what I need and want. No shying away. No shrugging. No ”...Ummm’s” or ”...I was just wondering…if I could just…”
Starting now, I’m going to do my best with only these words: “I need_” or “I would like you to__”.
I don’t usually put myself out there by making my wishes known and often secretly hope that others meet my needs anyway (this requires them to be able to read my mind). Not articulating myself clearly sets up the cycle where I feel that I must do it all alone and this leads me down the dark road of frustration.
I had a dream two nights ago that spoke to this goal.
I was standing on the sidewalk watching gleaming new buses pass by. They were all empty and I wanted to get on every one of them because each one was going to an unknown, exciting destination. I stood by watching them longingly as if they were offerings at a tantalizing buffet. But each one passed me by and I didn’t know how to make them stop. Then a voice, perhaps my own, told me that all I had to do was flag them down. I had to tell them to stop for me. And I thought, “That’s it? That’s all I have to do?”