Today is a choice just like everyday is a choice. Today, yesterday and the day before and all the days coming up are a choice.

It depends on me. Nobody makes me feel anything. Someone may provoke a feeling but I am the one who chooses to carry on with it. I am the one who chooses my reaction/action.

It really is all about me in this case. I got it.

This Christmas Eve, Christmas Day have not been what I would call a feel good holiday. In fact I spent the entire 2 days pretty much in a state of desperation, depression and subsequent hysterical crying over the pit I led myself to eventually sit in.

The key phrasing here is that “I” led “myself” to sit in it. It is me. Others and varied circumstances surrounding this disappointing holiday season participated but really it’s me who felt bad. There isn’t anything anyone can do about it. I don’t even know if I wanted anyone to do anything about it. Many times I just need to feel something out.

This goal isn’t what I thought it was going to be. I am discovering that I am more independent than I thought. I am discovering that this is about my choices that I make and calling them for what they are instead of putting the hurt on someone else when I am disappointed.

The last question is, since I am cognoscente of this do I live it?