um, yes… so, new sponsor. think i’m going to drop my homegroup and switch to a different mtg that i also attend regularly… working the steps, more thoroughly since i have a sponsor now who is old school and all about the BB… :)
but that’s the superficial stuff. the realness? well, i am realizing that i’m not as sober as i thought. i have not really let this program change me. i am still a drunk. i just don’t drink anymore. i still stick to myself, avoid people, hold intense grudges, etc… starting to work on my 4th step and hoping some freedom will come from that. but i am beginning to see why the “not drinking” part of this is probably not the hard part (as weird as that is for me to say, considering how much time i spent trying to quit and not being able to!)... no, the hard part is changing my attitude toward life, my approach to things, thinking new thoughts and acting in ways that are totally foreign to me. i have A LOT of growing to do. and to be honest, at the moment, i am very intimidated. but i am going to meetings still, meeting with my sponsor once a week, doing step work, praying (although not daily, grrrr….) and of course not drinking. but i’m still staying isolated and thinking, “they’re not really like me, i’m different…” some of my thoughts need a MASSIVE change. so i keep going. but i’ve switched some of my meetings because of the negativity i’ve encountered there. maybe that’s weak, i don’t know. i just need to be around people who are positive and are actually trying to do this, not a bunch of people who are stuck where i’m stuck, and are content to stay that way.