this is fucking impossible. For so many years it was just eat eat eat and forget about it. Just make the thoughts stop. Now I am plagued by what I ate a week ago, 4 days ago, yesterday, today… or got rid of, wasn’t able get rid of… It has become complete CHAOS inside my head. “Digestion” just feels SO sickening. How will I ever go back to NOT feeling or obsessing about something after I’ve eaten it?

Last week I broke blood vessels in my eye, which should have scared me but, of course it didn’t. The worst thing is that with all that I put myself through, I am still VERY overweight and probably less healthy than when I was over 330 lbs. I really don’t know what to do about this. It’s become like a habit to me. I’m lost.