8. We had to put my dog to sleep in March 2003.

There has always been a dog in our family since before I was born. My parents got a dog when my mom was pregnant with me. They named her dork because she would always jump up on the picnic tables when she went logging with my dad. She was part miniature collie and part everything else. Mom rescued her from a cardboard box outside a supermarket one hot summer day. Dork was in a box with several other puppies. Some of them had already died due to the heat and no shade or water. Dork was lucky. She had a great life. As Dork entered her senior years, I was nearing my adolescents. Around that time, mom had heard about a dog that had been abused and was not being taken care of by its owner. They were ready to get rid of it, so mom and dad decided we might be able to handle another dog. Sadie was a purebred registered boxer. She was the runt of her litter and had a cast on her front paw from being kicked. She had been sleeping in an unheated garage in the cold of the winter and had not been potty trained. We felt pretty lucky to have her, but I can only imagine how happy she was to have found us. She was young and rambunctious and quite the excitement for me and my sisters. We were too young to remember the prime of Dork’s life, but now we had Sadie to enjoy during those early years. She went everywhere with us and did everything we did. She was great. We loved her and wanted to do everything we could for her. Early in her life, Sadie was diagnosed with a thyroid problem. She required medication every day for the rest of her life. We all took turns giving her those 2 little pink pills in the morning. Not long after that, she completely lost her sight. She got around pretty well, as long as we didn’t move the furniture. Nonetheless, she continued to do everything with the family. There are very few vacation, Christmas, and graduation pictures that Sadie isn’t in. She aged with the rest of us and was there for all of us through middle school, high school, and most of college. I’ll never forget the day mom called me to tell me Sadie was nearing the end. She had lost control of her back legs and her bladder and bowels were beyond her control as well. She cried at night because she was in pain and most of the days were spent being moved around and spoon-fed by mom. She didn’t like to be left in a room by herself, had she been human, would have been a top candidate for a nursing home or in-home nurse. I broke down and cried. I hadn’t cried since I was in elementary school, but at age 22, I bawled for quite some time. I assured mom I would drive home the next day to be there. I left work not knowing when I would return. All I knew was I needed to be with my dog. I got home to find Sadie in worse condition than I had imagined. It was hard to see a member of the family in that state. I did my part of moving her around, feeding, and medicating her. I stayed up all night with her trying to make her as comfortable as possible. After 2 days and 2 nights with her and only winks of sleep as she slept, we realized that the time had come. Mom decided she wouldn’t be able to make the phone call, so I wiped my tears and tried to find a voice to set up an appointment at the veterinary clinic. It was a tough decision. I felt like we were playing GOD, but hoped this was what she wanted as well. One more night with her exhausted the remainder of my tears. The next day, I took my sister to take her driver’s test. I had every intention of making it back to go with Sadie, but the driver’s appointment took longer than we had anticipated. I arrived home to an empty house and memories of Sadie in every room. Her dishes still filled with water, her bedding in numerous corners of the house and a pile of Kleenexes from a night/morning filled with tears. Her extra leashes hung in the front entry way and her nail clippers sat just inside the basement door. The towel we had used under her belly to help her as she moved around with only her front legs lay in the dining room and her medication sat above the sink. Her bathtub stood upright in the laundry room and family pictures with the 6 of us and Sadie were found in every room. I wanted to get back in my car and drive out to the clinic myself. I wanted to be there, not only for Sadie, but for my mom. I know how hard it must have been. I struggled with the thought of the end. I ran through the house gathering all Sadie’s things. I didn’t want anyone else to come home and look around to see the things I had seen. I put everything away and lay on the couch trying to think of anything but what was happening. Mom came home and told us how nice the staff at the clinic had been. She was there until the very end.

I’ve shed quite a few tears since I’ve sat writing this. It’s probably one of the toughest memories for me to recall. Sadie was there for every critical moment of my life from age 10 to 22. Mom has her ashes upstairs in the cabinet with the family photos. It’s kinda strange, but I guess this way Sadie has, in a way, been laid to rest where she most enjoyed her life. I think the lesson I learned from this event was the power of love. I’ve been fortunate to grow up and mature with everyone from my family still around. Sadie’s death was the first death of anyone close to me. I can only hope I will have as great of an impact on the life of another as Sadie had on my life and that someone will have as much love for me as I had for that beautiful boxer.