Lucy Inthesky is working on ace-ing my courses!
I live a monotonous life because I fear rejection so much, I rather have no friends or boyfriends whatsoever. I don’t speak up for myself, out of fear that the people who I am speaking to will reject me (even when it’s these very people who have hurt me). The boyfriends I do have usually are disrepectful, hurtful or have lots of problems. I wondered why, and realize it is a protection I give myself. In this way I am assured that if rejection occurs, the pain would be less because I don’t actually value these people. Then if it was someone extremely supporting and nurturing, the risk that I would be rejected would be so painful. I need to love the people I love. Also find the humility in the pain of rejection.
I am going to start by teaching a environmental art lesson at my school I designed and care a lot about since I am studying in the field of art teaching, but I am scared to be rejected because I am shy and maybe won’t make this workshop as fun as someone else could make it who is more outgoing. I am scared people will think it is boring, think it isn’t cool, maybe no one will show up and I’ll look like a big loser/failure and everyone will think I am a bad teacher and I will never have the confidence to enter this career once I graduate.
“You are what you love, and not what loves you”