If I could just live in a little cocoon, safe and away from the world… I wouldn’t have to step it up, I wouldn’t have to compete, wouldn’t have to watch others thrive and feel bad for not wanting to get out of bed.

Isn’t the world alienating?

I know what it’s like knowing you have to give a $hit but can’t find a reason to. I know I’m privileged (healthy, independent etc.) but as ungrateful as it sounds, I don’t love life (either).

You do have compete with the other flowers, some are wired to hog the sun. The delicate ones like you can bloom if they find just the right spot, which, reading your goals list, seems to be what you’re trying to do.

Maybe it’s okay not to succeed, as defined by others. For me, the biggest luxury in life is to make a living doing something you enjoy. How many people can say that?

That’s my spot, and where I’m starting from. What’s yours?

I don’t know what my spot is. I have talents but don’t care to develop them. I have no desire to. After school, I would like to make a living doing something I enjoy for practical reasons, but I don’t have any earthshattering calling to give some unique service to the world. Simplicity is all I want anymore. It would be nice to find a single vision that fills me with energy and meaning and a sense of purpose. It would make things easier if I had something to strive towards and believe in with all of my being. But nothing outside of myself can motivate me that powerfully anymore.I can’t just throw myself into a dream. And yet I find my current reality so hard to deal with, and so draining. My only “dream” I suppose is to be a nobody somewhere lovely and faraway that has a different pace and set of values than the life I am in now. Thank you for sharing your experience with me, and I apologize for the lateness of this response. I wish you the best, whatever that may mean.

for you DreamAllAfternoon!

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
-Anais Nin

-JadedForever

Thank you.