so as soon as i forget the long distance guy, it’s christmas/new year’s. i had several dates or at least half-decent people interested. my confidence was up. then an acquaintance reappeared and we started seeing each other and that was the best thing that had happened for a long time. he’s the best man i’ve been with for a long time.

space opened up, i became more confident and things just sort of came into my life. it was great. especially because this person was a friend already and not someone i’d met online or however randomly.

he adored me when we first met, and it was partly because i was feeling so confident. there were moments i thought i was falling in love (and i was / am at least to some extent) and he just seemed perfect.

but he is not ready for a commitment. everything everything else seems right and great and good. he’s the one i want, and yet i can’t have him. we are/could be REALLY good together. everything is in place – in theory. but he’s totally not ready to be with me.

so i have to have faith and create space again for the next best thing to come along.

love IS space. love IS freedom of choice. it’s not about games or power struggles or control. but in a relationship – of any sort – it’s a delicate balance of energy exchange. do i reassure him? or is that clingy? do i pull back, or will that make me be too distant?

these are such lame aspects of the dating game. the worst part is i KNOW we really like each other but he’s totally pulling back regularly. i KNOW we have something great…but he doesn’t see it, or care, or want to really pursue it. and yeah it fucking hurts. he has no idea how much it’s hurting right now, how much i want to drop the whole thing but i also want us to have a chance.

still, bottom line, i am, and you are, completely free to choose your path. that is love.