I haven’t drunk now for 5 months. I am so happy that I have been able to do this. But it hasn’t been a magic potion. The issues/anxieties/depression that led me to drinking (& other issues/anxieties/depression that are a result of drinking) are still there. I just deal with them in a different way now, and it still isn’t easy. I read lots of books on the nature of self & the mind to try to understand more, I paint, I try to focus on the now, I run, I think about everything I’m grateful for & try to turn away from the obsessive thoughts. Basically I am contantly searching for the peace of mind I wrongly thought alcohol could give me (it couldn’t give me that & it took what little I had away). I’ve gone past the stage where I associate alcohol with fun things & miss it in that way. It now seems more than this. I now realise that alcohol was part of my search for something else and without alcohol I’m still searching. But … I’m happy I’m not choosing a quick fix “solution” that is in fact not a solution. I think perhaps alcohol takes us away from our real task in life which is to think about who we are, what our values are and to live them. Alcohol is easier but we are better than that and don’t need to take that easy road. So I’m soldiering on up the hard road knowing that it is the right one to be taking.
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