it’s getting done something that needs to get done.
_{I’m sure you can relate}

but here’s what I think:

Productivity will be different for every person. Even for myself (just one person), productivity changes. At work, I know I’ve been productive when my voicemailbox is empty, and there’s nobody wondering why I’ve not shown up somewhere. : ) But at home, because I’m growing another person, napping on the couch in the middle of the afternoon isn’t nesessarily unproductive. Even though it looked like I was doing nothing, I was. I was resting. Which is more important to my body right now than packing up the spare room (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!).

Just because your father’s view of “being productive” is judgemental different from yours, doesn’t make him right. You have to do what your body needs, so you’ll be able to do the rest.

with Molotov.

Each person’s limit is going to be different, and to take it a step further, I don’t think that limit has to be the same every day. I think this is especially important for people with chronic illness, where symptoms are often unpredictable from one day to the next.

I find that my anxiety and depression increase when I feel unproductive. I have always been very goal-driven, even from a young age, and balancing productivity with pacing is a challenge for me. If I don’t do something every day, then I end up feeling like I was lazy – even if I know that doing less was the right thing for me.

Right now I’m trying to eliminate the push-crash cycle, which is completely opposite to pacing. Not doing too well on that one…but it’s a process, and Rome wasn’t built in a day.

I guess I’d say that right now productivity means accomplishing something every day, no matter how small or simple (even washing my face or brushing my teeth sometimes helps me feel less guilty about not doing stuff), and importantly, not feeling guilt-ridden over not being as productive as the day/week/month before.

But ideally, I’d like productivity to mean that I can pace myself properly – none of that cycle of do too much…feel weak and sick and spend days in bed…feel a little better so do too much again…etc. – and not get so behind on tasks that I feel compelled to do more than I should. I’d like my definition of productivity to be something that is positive, defined by my own needs (even if those needs consist of sleeping all day), and flexible according to those needs, not rigid from one day to the next as I am so prone to attempting.

Am I there yet? Not by any means. But hopefully one day that will change.