buffalosnowangel "When grief is deepest, words are fewest."
On Friday, while he and his whole family were out celebrating his youngest sister’s graduation, Z decided to take the initiative on his own and asked his mom if they could talk privately when he came over for dinner on Sunday. She agreed. (She had no idea what it was about.)
So, when Sunday rolled around, they both sat down for a while (over an hour) and talked about everything that was going on and the situation between all of us (his family and me).
He told me (afterward) that she was pretty upset (at him, his sisters and herself) for my birthday(s). She’s upset at him for not reminding her, at his siblings because they clearly saw it/knew about it and both did nothing and didn’t tell her about it, and at herself for not taking any care to remember it on her own.
While my birthday thing was just a minor part of the whole scenario, I’m partially relieved that she got that upset over it- it justified (a little bit) how much it hurt me.
As far as the slight on Christmas, she said it was more of a stupid misunderstanding than anything else (no intentional hurt intended towards me), but that it was wrong and she was sorry.
She said there’s nothing she can really do as far as Z’s siblings go. They have no reason to feel anything negative towards me; they’re just having “issues” (I won’t share as it’s not my place to) so she asked that I just ignore them; which I will try my best to do.
They did talk about POTS and Z told her about the heart thing that they found (MVP). He said his mom feels bad for me and wants to help me but Z told her that I’m seeing people about it and if I want her help I’ll come to her; that it’s better that way so it doesn’t come off as hounding me. (His words, not mine- though very true words lol) He also talked to her about how bad it can be, and how much it affects me.
He was surprised how much she knew about POTS, I wasn’t. I told him that the whole ‘we’re not there’ excuse was BS because his mom knew more than he thought she did and now he agrees with me. His exact words were “you’re always right”...darn right I am!
Z said that his mom asked him to point out to me that she really does like me and understands my health problems. She is especially grateful to me for straightening Z out. He also said that she felt bad and was pretty upset with herself; which both Z and I feel is a good thing. (Not because we wanted to upset her, but because she realized that things were wrong and she took it to heart.)
Overall, Z has a good feeling about their talk. He feels it cleared up any confusion and let his mom see that there was a pretty sizable problem. He feels that progress was made and hopes that it wasn’t just words. (I hope that too.)
I’m also extremely proud of Z. He’s a very non-confrontational person, so I know this was very difficult for him. As a non-confrontational person, it’s hard enough forcing yourself to deal with a confrontation brought to you, let alone being the one to start it. Not to mention that it was his mother, and not some random person- who wants to upset their mom? I’m proud of him for finishing his talk with her even though she got upset; which is when it would be easiest to just back down entirely and let things go, and he didn’t. (She wasn’t crying or anything, but was definitely upset.) It took a lot for him to do this and I’m proud of him for it. It meant a lot to me.