Trauma_Junkie is really ready for Memorial Day!
I suffer from anxiety all the time. I cope with it very well, and so usually people tell me I come off as relaxed and funny.
Post surgery I am suffering. Not in the sense of panic attacks that so many seem to suffer from, but from a deep seated fear that this will not be successful, that I will never return to running, and anything else, that i am not progressing appropriately in PT, that people are not sharing information with me….
It's a real fear, unlike some of the other fears I have entertained in the past. It is possible that I won't be able to run again. This makes it even more difficult to cope with.
I feel really alone. I want someone to understand me, but people don’t want to deal with it. Probably because there isn’t much to say. I can be ok for a few days, then just suddenly get all in knots again.
Plus now that I am walking people seem to think that the “crisis” has passed, when in fact, the crisis is deepening. When I was on crutches and could not walk, I was pretty limited in my fear of hurting my repaired hip. Now, I am terrified that I am not progressing, or that if I move wrong or over do it one day I’m going to ruin everything.
Thing is there is nothing I can do. I need to be tough and suck it up but I sure as heck don’t want to.
I am so tired of being “tough” and putting on the brave face.
Have a meeting with a very good person tomorrow morning so hopefully that will help me.