” codependence is when you care for and worry about other people … “

http://www.lifeamp.org/SampleChapter.htm

” codependence is when you care for and worry about other people, especially broken and twisted people, so much that it’s to the detriment of your own wellbeing. “

” codependence is an addiction to trying to fix broken people. “

” Let’s make a continuum of “crazy-making” in human relationships. We’ll number it from 0 to 100, with 0 being “totally sane” and 100 being “totally crazy.” (When I use the term “crazy”, I’m not being derogatory, and not implying actual permanent mental illness. I’m talking about the way we feel “crazy” on a day-to-day basis when we’re involved in toxic or codependent relationships with friends, family, coworkers, etc.) “

” I use these derogatory terms to really paint a picture of the true nature of problematic people in your mind. Because while we’re in the early stages of learning to overcoming codependence, it can be difficult not to fall back into bad habits, to continue to be involved with someone who is bad for you. Labeling them in your mind will help your resolve. “

” Any time you try to set a boundary, to stand up for your needs, you’re shamed into doing what the codependent wants.

These two forces, the need to be needed and the need to be “a good person” are two steps in the codependent waltz. The third is emotional weariness. There comes a point at which it’s just easier to give them what they want than to argue.You’re so sick of the fight you can’t seem to win that you’d just rather give in than keep going.

Your opponent uses every passive-aggressive trick in the book to keep you off balance, you feel that something is deeply wrong but you can’t put your finger on what, and you just want to get away already.

When you give in to these three forces, you’ve become a codependent enabler. In order to get rid of codependent people, you must stop enabling them. How do you do this without losing your sense of self-worth, your sense of being a good person and your emotional judgement? By using logic. “

http://hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Handle-Codependent-Relationships

” ... They were controlling because everything around and inside them was out of control … “

” a second more common denominator seems to be having grown up with family rules that prohibit “discussion about problems; open expression of feelings; realistic expectations, such as being human, vulnerable or imperfect; selfishness; trust in other people and one’s self; playing and having fun; “

“After we rescue—we will inevitably move to persecution . ... We’ve done something that was not our responsibility to do; we’ve ignored our own needs and wants; and we get angry about it. To complicate matters, this poor person we’ve rescued is not grateful for our help. The victim is not behaving the way he or she should. ” :))

” When Beattie searches for the reasons why codependents rescue, she offers a number of explanations. “We may believe it’s cold and heartless to allow a person to work through or face a legitimate feeling or suffer a consequence, be disappointed by hearing `no,’ be asked to respond to our needs and wants and generally be held responsible . . . .” Women may have been taught that good wives and mothers are “caretakers” or men that good husbands are superheroes who must meet everyone’s needs. “

” distracts us from the pain of being who we are. We don’t feel lovable so we settle for being needed. We don’t feel good about ourselves so we feel compelled to do a particular thing to prove how good we are.”

” Beattie’s confidence that “we can learn to depend on ourselves” is catching and convincing, because she subscribes to “courageous vulnerability:” (You feel scared but you do it anyway) and allows for many imperfect decisions, outright mistakes and the vacillations so typical of codependents. “We can even change our minds, then change them again, then again.”

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1000/is_n361/ai_9050108/

” It’s RECOVERY WITHOUT MEETINGS – from codependence (to toxic people and to government) “