I also posted this under a “stop wasting time” goal…
Every once in awhile a fit of jealousy overcomes me and I spend way too much time looking up a bunch of collegues who I believe are in a better position than I am. I’ve been doing this ever since I learned how to use google in 1999 or so. More than a decade spent torturing myself! Geez!
Well I kept my word. When it got too out of hand I came over here to post on 43things. Afterall, as my husband has been reminding me for the last 20 years—just because some one is a vice president, editor in cheif etc, that does not necessarily mean that they are happy.
Besides I read something interesting in the paper the other day, a young writer said that she was glad she found her niche, it gave her some security. Might I not also feel the same way? My niche is small and horribly paid, but it’s steady and has been there for me whenever I needed it. When I needed it in 1993 and again in 1997, it was there. And again in 2007 and again in 2011. In this niche I’m recruited and prized—well sometimes. I’ve gotten work from this niche. And it’s honorable work and it’s work I’ve been trained to do.
Perhaps this is a self esteem issue. If someone else told me that they were doing what I do, what would I think of them? For example if someone was singing at a local night club and they enjoyed it, would I tell them they should be singing in Carnegie Hall? NO, I’d be glad that they were following their bliss on ANY level. Also isn’t Carnegie Hall, the idea of it, in the eye of the beholder? It’s all relative. To that singer that night club IS their Carnegie Hall. So why can’t I be so generous with myself?