Sherlock is removing clutter of a different kind
There are things I don’t allow myself to say about my life.
Today I just couldn’t get motivated to get up and do anything. Girlchild spent the night at a friends’ house, and Sonchild didn’t come home last night. I was really scared when he didn’t answer his phone and wasn’t home this morning, especially because he said he would be home.
Girlchild finally reached him this afternoon. He was belligerantly self-righteous, as he often is when he has messed up. He swore he never said he would be here. I got mad and said I couldn’t talk to him about it; I was up till 2:30 worrying about him last night.
Girlchild was in a foul mood and spent the afternoon accusing me of something I didn’t do. I tried to talk with Ex about it, but that just sucks.
And then I shut down, so as not to have any feelings and sat in a chair for the rest of the day.
Girlchild is going with Ex to look at colleges next week and won’t be home. Sonchild will not come back over here, to punish me. We have hot fuses in this family.
And I can’t keep avoiding my feelings. I’m very lonely, especially since M has been at the hospital for months and months. It is my own fault. If I sit and sit, I won’t have friends. That takes energy and commitment. I’ve never been so isolated in my life.
I have to figure this out.