Especially now at work. I feel paralyzed by the inability to get the last signature I need, and don’t feel a sense of clear direction. It’s not just the signature, now that I think about it. It’s the murkiness of the future- will I be asked to work full time at any point, and if so, when, and what will my duties be? Everything is up in the air, and I feel like I have no way to prepare or start. I don’t even know what I should do about child care, unless I know when and how many my work hours will be.

Then, too, I’ve been unmotivated to eat well or exercise after a period of effort in these areas. The house is a mess, I’ve eaten lots of sugar, and I’m having trouble going to bed in a timely manner again. Just the opposite of the way I want to be.

Today at work, I wasted hours, losing myself on the internet. I’ve been watching Netflix at home instead of doing more productive and affirming things as well. I definitely need some sort of restart, some sort of self-intervention here. I don’t know why the last few days have been so blah, but as I write this, I realize that I need to snap out of it now, before all the hard work I’ve been doing on my goals becomes undone.

Every day that I don’t make progress on my goals is another day wasted. I don’t want to waste my days. I wonder if this is hormonal? I lost count for my cycle, but I wonder if this is pre-menstrual affectation. That would explain my greater sex drive of late. I hope that’s what it is, and not some greater resurgence of depression.

Well, either way, I need to get out of this funk. I need to clean the house, eat well, self-nurture, exercise, meditate, go to sleep early, and get up ready to face my work challenges instead of running away from them.

I can do it! Let’s go!!!