‘Your friend lost a lot of weight you have to loose some as well’ is what my mum keeps on saying. You are fat, you don’t look attractive’ is what she is thinking and giving me the impression of. Keep on making me feel bad about myself, unsure about my life! It is killing me inside, the way she talks and reacts towards me. I am sick of the daily fighting between my mother and I! Having everyone against me is for sure NOT how I imagined and expected a family to be.
Parents do not understand the way I feel or even think. They don’t even recognize when I’m upset or got problems. When I was a little girl, they used to be there for me 24 hours. I’m not saying they still have to but it just really hurts when they are being against me! After all I’m their daughter and they are suppose to love, care and support me, not against me by saying things that are upsetting my feelings!
I used to be happy 24 hours straight, what happened to my happiness and myself? It feels like the whole world is turning the back against me. I’m sick of everything, every single movement I do, things I listen to, and even breathing at this moment seems very wrong. Everyone that looked at me in the last couple of months seemed to know that I was feeling real ashamed of something, ashamed of something named after me. Mr. Aken once said ‘ those who are intelligent, those who are open-minded will always think deeply before making the right decision, so that there wont be any regrets.’
One hour has already passed since I wrote my first sentence on this blank word document. There is not a single thing that would make me feel better about myself. I’m used to the daily disappointments from people surrounding me. However, I do not have to live up to the world’s standards! I can make my own rules as I go. If people don’t like me for who I am then they can go to hell, because there is nothing I would change about myself for people who do not appreciate the way I function!
‘If you got problems come to me, my door is always open’ is what I keep on saying to people who’ve got problems. But has anyone ever been there for me when I’ve got problems or breakdowns? The answer to this question is a big NO. I have to worry about my problems and move on with my life. It’s time for me to go my own way and find the roads to happiness!