I miss the gap between my thighs, counting the ribs on my stomach, grabbing the bones on my hips as I try to sleep. The gap is slowly closing and it’s harder to find a prize as I search for bones. My body used to console me, give me a reason to keep going as the goal was set higher by my dear friend, ANA. Now she’s gone and all the purpose left with her. I NEED CONTROL AGAIN. Without it I will die.