Here we go. Reality check. I have had the same job for 3 years. And the entire time there has always been one person who consistently asks me out. I say no every time. Yes, it may seem juvenile and maybe I should finally give the guy a chance but the problem is I just do not like him. Therefore, saying no is the easiest thing in the world.

However, last night he attempted to get into my psyche. Now, this is a frightening adventure for anyone. I know I am messed up, and have plenty of issues that I am learning to deal with. But hey, I don’t like to be reminded of them especially when its a 19 year old who believes that the only reason I keep saying no is because I fear the idea of love.

Now, this is where he is right. According to everyone I know, I have no emotions. Or I have some, but the moment a guy tells me he likes me or attempts to get me to settle down, well I run faster than lightening. It’s not that I don’t have emotions, its just they are terrible. I hate feeling tied down. So, I am admitting it. I have an issue. I refuse to settle down and be in a relationship, I am simply not good at them.

Therein lies the problem. Am I just not good at them or do I refuse to be good at them to save myself?

I don’t know why I bother asking. I know the answer. I’m good at playing it safe, I’m good at being by myself. I’ll admit it gets tiring and every know and then I fancy myself finding a man. However, as of right now the only thing I want is a bowl of ice cream, a book and some music.