Momzilla is evaluating the existance of self
When I started this goal my son was a boy and I only had him. Now I have had nother son, but this goal refers to my first son, Tristan. Not that I don’t want to do this with the both of them, I want them both to be good, adjusted, strong, stable men… and all of that… I have learned so much from this goal though – I have made my errors on my oldest, unintentionally of course, and navigated the parental maze thus far.
I watch him growing every day. He has a gap in his two front teeth just like I did when I was his age and he’s built like my brother. He’s a big brother, a boyscout, and now has golden hair. He’s an amazing person – this light in my life. When I am at my darkest, he is the sun shining through – the small light at the end of the tunnel that I can grasp on to and pull myself out. He doesn’t even seem to notice.
I see him growing into a man. He’s no longer my little boy but (thankfully) he still needs me. He loves me. He hugs me. He’s not afraid to show his feelings. He’s honest with himself even when he’s not when others. He’s a honorable human being and I see his values, virtues, and beliefs taking hold of his inner self and I am proud of what I see. He stands up for what he believes in and he challenges me. He is fiercely protective of his brother and will be a good guide for Felix if something happens to em. He struggles with areas of his life but he tries. He always puts forth an effort to better himself and to help those around him. He’s incredibly compassionate and I worry that this will end up being a hard lesson for him to learn. His sensitivity and intuition are some of his greatest assets, but will also be his greatest barriers.
I will continue to try to guide him into adulthood to use them to his advantage and help him to be himself with his heart on his sleeve… but how to guard it if need be. I need to teach him how to protect himself and how to survive in a hard world. I need to still give him the tools to deal with his emotions. I need to figure out finances so that one day I can teach him. I will continue to love him unconditionally and do my best for him. I want him to shine.