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10 years after introducing 43 Things to the world, we have decided we have met our last goal: completing the incredible experience that has been 43 Things. Please join us in giving one last cheer to all the folks who have shared their goals with the world, as well as all the people who have worked at The Robot Co-op to build this incredible website. We won a Webby Award, published a book, and brought happiness to a lot of people.

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красивейшая Богиня ♥ ♥

post randomly (read all 28 entries…)
The emu's got bad attitude...

Ok, here goes. I almost can’t be bothered to talk about it, as my attitude’s so lame that i don’t even see it as my problem.

He’s been a friend for about 5 or 6 weeks now. I see him no more than once a week. We do text a lot and talk on the phone quite a fair amount. (Once every other day for about 5 mins.)

All sounds normal… but!!!
He’s come to consider me as his girlfriend. it’s almost annoying. no, damn it. I can’t be bothered to talk or see him anymore as I find him way too annoying. Talking about him is tedious too.

We’ve never held hands, kissed or anything. I’ve not shown him any signs of affection, yet he tries to imply I’m his girlfriend. (To be fair though, in the first 2 weeks of friendship I was trying to see if I did like him or not, and whether he would make a decent boyfriend or not. But I was very clear that we were just friends.)

Last time we met up was on saturday evening. In a busy bar to get to the other side he said “do you want to hold my hand?”
Jeez!!! If you’ve got to ask something like that, well then the answer is obviously “No”!
(That was actually my reply. I just said “no”.)

I can’t stand it when people try get close. I hate it. The only closeness I can ever cope with is a boyfriend. anything else I don’t want to see them or speak to them on the phone, let alone have to see them, more than once a week.

Mr.B so annoys me. for so many reasons, which are all way too annoying to havew to go into and describe. (Please don’t ask me to expand further as I’ll just be especially offensive to you. thanks.)

Anyway, ramble almost over. He is cringe making and I don’t want to bother with him. I had a missed call from him yesterday. I only replied a few hrs later, with a text as such:
“The French chef I told you about is in London on Wednesday afternoon, so I won’t be able to go to your Xmas party. Thanks for the invite though.
Hope Bristol was good.”

Grr… I’d already told him on saturday that chances are I’d not be able to make it to his xmas party. (I am actually free on Wednesday night, but I just couldn’t stand the idea of spending more time with him.)

Again today he’s rang. Another missed call.
Can I just ignore it and reply to a text or call tomorrow? How the hell do I get him out of my life?
Men can be ruthless, tactless and just tell you to sod off and leave them alone. Dare I do the same? I feel guilty just cold shouldering him, but that way maybe he’ll get the message? if i speak to him on the phone it might only encourage him. grrr. i don’t want a stalker, but i worry this might be going that way. (He is weird. remember he already thinks I’m his girlfriend.)

Only my Blackkitty’s allowed to stalk me.

What might work is telling Mr.B that I am back with my ex. This way he’ll understand why I don’t even want to be friends with him. (Morals and all that.) Plus he’ll realise that I’m serious, and hopefully my ex might deter him from ‘stalking’ or hassling me further.

My ex leaves the UK in about 3 weeks, but I won’t mention that to Mr.B.


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красивейшая Богиня ♥ ♥

ha ha.

I’ve just added that bit in my entry above as a possible cure to this situation.

My ex (who’s also my current boyfriend) is leaving the UK in 3 or so weeks, but i’ll not mention thatpart to Mr.B!

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красивейшая Богиня ♥ ♥

well, at least Salma Hayek is damn sexy.

Oo, a thought. If you have fantasies about a dead actor, eg James Dean, does that imply a necrophilac tendency?

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Kalibebti "I came here to drink milk and kick ass."


Dammit. Now I’m going to have to fight you.

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красивейшая Богиня ♥ ♥


Before I didn’t want to lose him as a friend. Now I just want him to get out of my life. Don’t want him near me.

Can I get away with just sending him a text along these lines:
“Mr.B, Hope the Xmas party tomorrow is a good laugh.
I don’t know how to say this, it’s a bit of an embarrassing situation really. I saw my ex on Monday and we are now back together. Sorry to tell you via a text, and I know you and I are not an item, but I thought I should let you know.”

fuck Jin. what can i say?
i shouldn’t have to explain anything to him!
Maybe i should just ignore his calls and texts until he gets the idea.
i shouldn’t have to apologise to him as I’ve said quite a few times that he and I are not an item.

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красивейшая Богиня ♥ ♥

It’s got to the stage where I don’t want to see him at all. You have no idea how i was deperate to disappear and leave last saturday. To the point where i had to end the conversation rudely at the tube station so I could go. he’s making me cringe.

If I see him again I doubt i’ll be polite.

Why should i have to see him again anyway?
If a guy’s not interested in a girl he usually just tells her to sod off.

So, I’m not going to see him again as it’s too painfully annoying. so, it’s back to ignoring him or a text:

“Mr.B, Hope the Xmas party tomorrow is a good laugh.

I don’t know how to say this, it’s a bit of an embarrassing situation really. I saw my ex on Monday and we are now back together. Sorry to tell you via a text.

I know you and I are not an item, but I thought I should let you know anyway so you understand why I’m keeping some distance”

the ending is so bad. how do i write it better?

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molliemoonlight ♥ ♥ ♥ Thanks 43T ♥ ♥ ♥

I just wrote a long answer

and I’ve just deleted it. (It wasn’t very helpful anyway)

To be honest, I don’t know the answer to this.

However, I would suggest pulling back a bit, treating him exactly as you would a friend, not feeling obliged to reply to texts and calls straight away, etc. Keep drawing attention to the fact that you view this as a friendship. If things continue (or get worse) begin to throw into the conversation about people trying to fix you up with their friends, to further draw attention to the fact that you are actually ‘available’.

Either that, or tell him you have sworn off men to pursue an interest in more feline partners(!)


Apologies for the useless advice…!!

красивейшая Богиня ♥ ♥

Thanks Mollie.

It’s my own fault really, this situation.

I like your advice of treating him as i would a friend and not feeling obliged to return his calls or texts. I always feel so obliged with people.

problem is it’s now at the stage where i can’t stand being near him. I certainly don’t want him as a friend or have to see him again. That’s it. he’ll have to take it.

How are you anyway?

molliemoonlight ♥ ♥ ♥ Thanks 43T ♥ ♥ ♥

Yeah, I'm okay

Thanks for asking. Not enjoying the cold weather, but increasing occurrences of Christmassy lights are helping to brighten my day. Hee! Hee! No pun intended!

красивейшая Богиня ♥ ♥

Yes, the lights really help.
Do you like my little tree?
( You have to say “yes”! ha.)

I brought it in from the front door step (where it lives all yr around) as i reckon the recession’s too serious and someone might try stealing it.

(oh, the photo is distorted on 43T. it’s really tall and thin.)

Are you putting up any decorations?
Mollie, what’s a better way of saying “keeping some distance”?
this context:

“I know you and I are not an item, but I thought I should let you know anyway so you understand why I’m keeping some distance”

I don’t want him to think in some twisted way that the distane is only temporary and that i somehow really want him.

molliemoonlight ♥ ♥ ♥ Thanks 43T ♥ ♥ ♥

It looks lovely

Although my phone doesn’t show pictures too clearly so I’ll look forward to checking it out tomorrow on the pc.

My tree is up. I posted a pic on my Christmas countdown goal. Well the top of it, anyway.

Instead of ‘keeping my distance’ could you say ‘so you understand why we ought not to see each other’ – that way it makes it sound like necessity rather than choice, but doesn’t exactly leave the door open for this to change.

Good luck.

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красивейшая Богиня ♥ ♥

Thank you for your thoughts.
I think you are very right about people just thinking you are busy. Never occured to me before.

Useful to hear your opinion.

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Epic Sunshine Appalachian SPRING, Copland followed by Gershwin, SUMMERTIME

Be explicit. Men need explicit. We LIKE explicit.

Be brutally honest, not brutal.

Tell him it’s done, over. Tell him you don’t owe him ANY explanation and won’t offer any. And that there will never be more contact of any sort. Then follow through by ignoring any and all additional efforts to communicate.

If he does corner you, repeat your original statement, and start over ignoring him, letting him know that after that, the police should be invited for a look at this.

He’ll think more highly of you for this than for simpering, lingering, meandering goodbyes, and it won’t leave any room for negotiation or for him to perceive indecision, regret by you.

красивейшая Богиня ♥ ♥

Thank you.

You are very right. It is a absolutely a matter of having to be very blunt and direct, as the guy is very capable of stalking, I’m sure. The warning signs are there. Nip it in the bud.

I’m surprised how good everyone’s advice here on 43T has been. How lucky I am to have spotted the warnings signs in advance. (thanks to you guys discussing it.)

Not meaning to hang an innocent man before he commits the act, but he did actually voluntarily and eagerly show me this text from an ex of his last saturday that said this:

“Leave me alone, you freak.
I know you well enough that you get a kick out of annoying people… blah blah”

This is clearly a sign that I am not alone in not trusting him and finding him annoying!

So point blank ignoring all contact is probably the best advice to follow.

Kalibebti "I came here to drink milk and kick ass."

LOL omg! that is scary

I think Epic’s advice is the best. I just wanted to add that you seem concerned that he understand, and you should be prepared for him simply not understanding. In my experience, people rarely do actually understand each other, and if you’re satisfied that you haven’t let slip any misleading signs to him such as, “I’d like you to live with me,” or, “You’re my soul mate!” then your conscience should be okay with extreme bluntness even if this guy wails about it. He may wail a bit. I had a guy once get scary on me just because I’d refused to kiss him goodnight on our first date. Well, he danced like he had a broomstick up his arse and I didn’t want to find out if he kissed the same way! He was really affronted by that. Uh, not that I told him that; he was just affronted by me refusing to kiss him, after we went dancing, and I didn’t even walk off the dance floor and call a cab home, and all.

If you want to avoid scary moments, though, I’d stay away from him in person, but have a good stiff drink then settle in for a very stubborn (on your part) potentially cringe-worthy (on his part) phone conversation with him. Make everything very clear for as long as it takes, and don’t be nice. Then you will have given him enough of a chance to get used to reality, and a chance to whine at you about it. If you can make him sick of talking to you, you’ve won your war!

p.s. This phone conversation is NOT a chance for you to let loose at him about what a dog’s behind he is; the purpose is for you to drone on at him about how you just aren’t interested, sorry (why? why is the sky blue? oh life is just like that, blah blah) until he can’t remember why he thought you were so fascinating in the first place. Most men are initially attracted to their own perceived reflection in a woman’s eyes; so my guess is that if you can convince him that you really, truly aren’t interested in him at all, he’ll lose interest in stalking you.

красивейшая Богиня ♥ ♥


Maybe I should just reply to his latest text with the exact same words his ex texted him a while back:

“Leave me alone, you freak.
I know you well enough to know that you get a kick out of annoying people… blah blah”

That’d give him a complex! ha.

I’m not going to ring him, but I do at least owe him a text to end it politely. Damn, got to send that text soon.

if i mention I’ve been busy and am back with an ex he might leave me alone. But why should i have to tell him anything about my private life?

If I just say I’m busy with xmas, well, that is feasible and then I could justly ignore him until after new years.


Kalibebti "I came here to drink milk and kick ass."

oops, missed this until now, sorry!

LOL that would be really mean! And very funny. LOL But mean.

And…judging from what you’ve said, he might not even get it.

You don’t have to tell him anything about your private life. In my opinion, the less the better. You don’t need to offer him excuses.

In my opinion, just tell him you’re not interested in him. LOL, you know, the funny thing is that it’s more straightforward to dump a boyfriend than a friend. So he thinks he’s your boyfriend – dump him! ; )

The more excuses you offer, the more openings you give him to cling to you. Just let him know you’re not into him. If you’re satisfied you’ve never given him a decent reason to think otherwise, you should be in the clear with your own conscience. He won’t be as happy about it as you are, but that’s inevitable.

Good luck!

gottawonder Loves her tortoise!

I had something similar happen.

I met this guy through other friends, and he seemed decent enough, but I wasn’t attracted to him.

Since I have had one or two male friends, I didn’t think that it was too strange to go for supper with him from time to time. I never led him to believe there was anything romantic going on. In fact, I was seeing someone else (though not exclusively).

When it dawned on me that he was attracted to me, I made it VERY clear that I just liked him as a friend.

He said he understood. Then proceeded to drop in on me all the time, phone me every couple of days, and bring me flowers on Valentine’s day. Even though I was actually sleeping with another man, which my room mate informed him of. She literally said I was over at M’s, sleeping with him, did he still want to leave the flowers.

Then he tried to get me to live in his house and take care of it while he took a job where he would be away for a few weeks at a time, and home for a week. So basically, every couple of weeks we would be sharing his house. Scary.

Since it was getting to the stalker stage, I told him I wasn’t interested in anything to do with him at all, then quit accepting his calls.

About two years later, I ran into one of our mutual friends, who asked if we were still together. I said we had never been “together”. This person was surprised to hear that, as this guy had been telling people we’d been dating for quite some time.

With some people you just have to be blunt and ruthless. Tell this person that you will no longer be accepting his calls, that you aren’t comfortable with him on any level, and stick to it.

You’ve already given him the opportunity to just be friends, and it isn’t working.

красивейшая Богиня ♥ ♥

Sounds like a mirror case here.


This Mr.B has also told me twice how he’s told so-and-so all about me and that he’s been ‘seeing me’. Sounds like a similar scenario.

That ‘playing wife’ thing the guy did to you; of you looking after his home and being his possession, that also kind of crept in slightly last saturday when he invited me to his xmas party. He not only invited me but tried to get me to buy all the xmas crackers and party accessories etc. like he and I are a team and that’s the role wifey is meant to play.
This was partly why I rejected his invite, as I saw it as dangerous.

Thank you for this:
“You’ve already given him the opportunity to just be friends, and it isn’t working.”

it’s true and helps remove the ‘guilt’ factor of cutting ties.

gottawonder Loves her tortoise!


Don’t bother lying about having a boyfriend.

Guys will often then pretend to be your friend, waiting to see if things work out with your boyfriend.

If it’s a lie, he’ll figure that out pretty quickly, and then use that to manipulate you into being nicer to him.

красивейшая Богиня ♥ ♥


can I ask you what I should do next?
(If you got a minute.) Thanks.

ok, he’s not actually done anything wrong… yet. Maybe I should try end it politely?

As you know: I saw him last saturday evening. since then we exchanged a text each on Monday and I’ve ignored 2 missed calls.

I think he realises I’m pulling away. He has just now texted. The last bit is wimpy, and self-pitying. Here’s a summary of his text:

“The xmas party went well..blah…blah. Thanks for being so supportive over the last few weeks. It really helped. Now I’ve got a bit of a chest…urgh.”

I wasn’t at all supportive! That’s pity making, and maybe an apology if I felt he’s been a drag, right?

He’s not done anything wrong yet. Guess I’m just worried he’ll start stalking cos of his confused head. Maybe I should offer him some explanation. How does this sound:

“Glad the party was a success. I’ve been a bit busy here myself with Xmas around the corner and I’ve started seeing my ex again. It’s going well so far.”

Do I dare try end it with that? I’m not being rude, and hopefully dispelling any thoughts he might have of him and I being an item.

London’s huge so I won’t bump into him, and we only have 2 friends in common who don’t really know anything about my personal life anyway.

Thanks Gottawonder. appreciated. x

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красивейшая Богиня ♥ ♥

He did used to be some shit hot DJ, apparently. So partying was his thing, I guess. Maybe I could get him to include you on his guest lists!

Mr.B’s shit hot guest list:
1 bitch of an emu
1 hot bitch BlackKitty (who puts out to the emu a lot)
1 smart stuff of a cookie who likes my parties.

Anyone else?

Oh dear, I had a cocktail or two. GuesS they’re talking for me now.

gottawonder Loves her tortoise!

You can end it politely.

I always tried to.

If you’re up to it, ask him to meet you for coffee. Have a couple of your friends at another table, ready in case things melt down.

Have a dialogue planned. Say very clearly

” Please listen to me, and don’t interrupt. I need you to understand that I don’t want to be your friend anymore. You haven’t done anything wrong, but I don’t feel comfortable with things the way they are. I don’t want to talk on the phone, or visits, or to go out with you. I respect you as a person, so I don’t want to continue a relationship that isn’t sincere for me. Please respect my feelings, and leave me alone.”

Then, get up, and walk out with your friends.

Then, block his calls.

You could do this over the phone. You haven’t really had a relationship with him, so I don’t feel like you owe him anything.

It’s pointless to just dance around the issue and say that you might be seeing your ex. Like I said, for some guys, they’ll just play friend, and hope that you break up again. It’s also dishonest, and doesn’t address the real issue: you’re uncomfortable around him.

Ultimately, this is about your feelings. You don’t like him, and you don’t even want to be his friend.

Even though he’s done “nothing wrong”, you are obviously really unhappy with him calling you, even if it is only once or twice a week, so you really don’t want him to have any contact at all.

So say so.

красивейшая Богиня ♥ ♥

Thanks for this. Really. I digested it.

This is a very good line:
“I respect you as a person, so I don’t want to continue a relationship that isn’t sincere for me. “

this also helped a lot. As it’s all true. Nice to see it verbalised:
“Even though he’s done “nothing wrong”, you are obviously really unhappy with him calling you.”

I’ll try to not bore everyone with the progress! Hopefully he’ll move on soon with Xmas here.

purple_lady “Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.” ― Rumi

You dont want to friends anymore, right?

So dont be afraid of your polite but direct message hurting his feelings. I know you dont want to upset him, but sometimes it happens. He has to get the message and if he doesnt like it, well thats like. Send him the text you were thinking of:
“Mr.B, Hope the Xmas party tomorrow is a good laugh.
I don’t know how to say this, it’s a bit of an embarrassing situation really. I saw my ex on Monday and we are now back together.
I know you and I are not an item, but I thought I should let you know anyway so you understand why I’m keeping some distance”
Its perfect.

красивейшая Богиня ♥ ♥

Yes. Thanks Purple.

Firstly I’ll try the not contacting him. He’s texted once, and left 2 missed calls.
If he tries contact me once more I will send that text. But I love Jessy’s variation of:
” . . . so you understand why I won’t be returning your calls.”
That is very clear and blunt. Can’t argue with that.

Remember, I’ve had a year’s practice at being mean at the BlackKitty. I can now put it all to real use! ; )

Any more photos of your beautiful little kitty Sadie?
Does your company do an Xmas party? are you going? Do you want to go? (I can guess the answer already! sensitive types usually shy away from such office superficialities.)

purple_lady “Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.” ― Rumi

I have been holding off on the photos

because I dont want to be that lady who is always showing everyone pics of her bloody cat. But I actually do take pics of her almost every day – she is so adorable. The business I work for is really small, we dont do a christmas party. There is a small amount of pressure on me to organise an informal get together for end of dec, but since I find my co workers pretty annoying I am not really prioritisinfg this task…

Kalibebti "I came here to drink milk and kick ass."

: )) we can be that lady together!!

I’m always taking pics of my bloody cat and hoarding them…someday…someday soon….I am going to unleash them on 43T !!

heh heh

I even have a goal about it. XD ;P

красивейшая Богиня ♥ ♥

The Jin4 might have a good point.

Maybe the just slipping it into conversation that I’m back with my ex might be best.

If I send that text to him it is clear and to the point, but it also panders to his messed up fantasy that there is or was actually something between us.

If I just ignore any further calls and any texts for 1 wk he might get the message. Plus this doeSn’t add any oxygen to the fire.

After that I can send a text saying: “sorry, I’ve been busy cos of xmas season and I’m back with my ex”

This way he might decide that I’m just a ‘bitch’ and he decide by himself that he doesn’t want anything to do with me. Plus it shows pretty damn clearly that there obviously was nothing between us. It also leaves no room for stalking, I feel.

Failing that, then I’ll just have to let my BlackKitty loose on him.

Edit: It’s 6pm and so far he’s not rang today! Maybe a winning battle. Hope so.

Collectorofcats No matter where I go in the future I'll remember 43 things.

Try This

Quit texting him and don’t answer his texts or phone calls. If that don’t work, change your number or block his calls if you can and finally, quit meeting up with him. Next time you see him, make sure he knows you are with someone else whether it is your ex or whoever. If he wants details, just tell him it is better that he doesn’t know. If he insists, get firm.
I haven’t read most of the other comments. I just know what I’d do if I were in you shoes.

красивейшая Богиня ♥ ♥


Do I reply with this:

““Glad the party was a success. I’ve been a bit busy here myself with Xmas around the corner and I’ve started seeing my ex again. It’s going well so far.”

or just this and not respond further until he gives up:
““Glad the party was a success. I’ve been a bit busy here myself with Xmas around the corner and now I’ve got a cold again.”

With Xmas he’ll just think I’m too busy to reply. then after xmas he should have given up. or i’ll be just to ignore him.

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красивейшая Богиня ♥ ♥

That wouldn't work either, Hawk!

Remember that the man’s just not into sex at all. so clanydia wouldn’t scare him. he’d be relieved probably! ha.

He was with his last girlfriend for a year and a half and for the entire last year they had no sex.

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красивейшая Богиня ♥ ♥

That was hysterical. Especially the end part: “fuck off, Emu.”
That last part made me laugh out aloud.

ok, sending the text right now. You don’t think it’s too nice, do you?

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Kalibebti "I came here to drink milk and kick ass."

I liked,

“tears and feathers”

красивейшая Богиня ♥ ♥

She's good, isn't she?!

Very dramatic in all the right places.

Kalibebti "I came here to drink milk and kick ass."


Yes I always have to physically restrain myself from, as my old high school band director used to somewhat disturbingly put it, applauding and throwing babies, every time she speaks.

Now I’ve got all these unused babies just lying around. I guess I can give them as Christmas gifts….

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красивейшая Богиня has gotten 10 cheers on this entry.


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