hoydenlala is getting a clue.
A. See the benefits of differences and celebrate commonalities. You are a team and teams require different skills and perspectives to get things done successfully. Don’t compete. Trade off leadership if you have the same qualities. Use shared qualities simultaneously or alternately to be successful together. Don’t alienate each other.
B. Give your partner space to be themselves. Appreciate who they are instead of trying to change them, being threatened by their independence, limiting their choices, restricting their freedom. Remember what attracted you to them. Spending time apart allows partners to return with something good.
C. Be courteous to your partner: kind, respectful, polite, considerate, civil, pleasant, solicitous of their concerns, helpful, supportive, an active listener, attentive. Do not neglect your relationship. Treat them better than anyone else (even your best friend) because they are your most important relationship.
D. Be strong together and strong apart, as a couple. You don’t have to share everything to be a successful couple, but you have to be supportive. It requires being centered and secure in yourself. This means you can handle your partner being strong, independent, and confident in the world without you. The more supportive you are, the kinder you are. If you are disturbed by your partner’s wishes, look within at why you are troubled. Then think about whether it is worse to let them do what they want or is it worse that they leave you or stay with you miserable? Remember that it is your job to encourage your partner to become the best person they can.
E. Apologize for losing your temper, arguing, forgetting, stubbornness, rudeness, childishness. If you go first, you are on moral high ground.
F. Take the extra step to please the person who is most important to you (lover/partner/friend). Think ahead: plan celebrations, think about what they like, what they need, what’s an luxury, what would delight them, make them feel loved, special, important and surprised.
G. Always have someone (pet, neighbor, volunteer group, kids, partner) pleased to see you everyday. It provides you with a sense of purpose, meaning to life, and prevents self-absorption.
H. Figure out when to listen and when to act.
I. Have a passion for a life together. Treat your intertwined lives as a grand romance. Make an effort to maintain a strong bond. Share your dreams, goals, plans, and ambitions. Love being with each other. Dedicate yourself to each other’s happiness. It requires focus, strength, drive, and enthusiasm.
J. Make sure that you are loving when you make love. Be as knowledgeable and skillful as you can.
K. Keep communicating with each other. Talk through your problems and share your joy. Talking keeps you together if it is loving, productive and fun. Silence amplifies problems if it is boring, threatening, and destructive.
L. Respect your partner’s privacy. If you can’t, ask yourself why.
M. Check-in regularly to see if you still have shared goals (going in the same direction, to the same destination). Discuss what you think you are doing and going.
N. Treat your partner better than your best friend because they are supposed to be your partner and best friend.
O. It is easier to attain contentment than happiness. Happiness is too complicated, intense, and extreme. Contentment lasts longer, is more relaxed, warm, and loving.
P. You don’t have to live with the same rules. For example, one can be tidy and the other messy in certain areas. One hates to be tickled and the other is ok with it. One needs to be reassured about their partner’s whereabouts and the other doesn’t. One needs to be constantly reassured of being loved and the other does not need it as frequently.