Dawn Treader Reclarify my goals while exploring a new relationship
This insight has passed across me on occasions in the past, but I’ve let go of it again and not built it into behaviour.
I’m a total emotional sponge. When it comes to almost any kind of contact, I mirror the behaviour of the other person heavily. And this gets even more extreme in an intimate relationship. I’ve had relationships with women with a wide variety of temperaments, and on reflection, I’ve ended up feeling carefree, resentful, positive, cynical, generous and loving, etc etc… Whatever they were like…
I just can’t afford to go getting involved with anyone that would drag me down again. I have been there, the effect on ne was a nightmare, and it’s pretty obvious to me that I’m still recovering from it.
I’ve been dating this rather fetish-y woman over the last month or so, and she’s a typical case in point. Basically v self-preoccupied, and there’s no way that I would ever break her out of that. I just can’t think and act in my more generous ways of living when I’m around her.
One more reason for needing to hold my fire, find a way somehow to be a lot clearer and firmer about who I want to be, and find a really positive-minded partner who will complement that rather than a number of people who have undermined the best that I was trying to do and be.
I shouldn’t have let them, but equally, I just have to be realistic that I grew up being told pretty firmly what to do next, and it’s a hard instinct to kick.
So… Just Hold your Horses, boy!!!