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Dawn Treader Reclarify my goals while exploring a new relationship

love and be loved in return (read all 19 entries…)
I'm starting to get my head round the challenge...

This insight has passed across me on occasions in the past, but I’ve let go of it again and not built it into behaviour.
The thing is…
I’m a total emotional sponge. When it comes to almost any kind of contact, I mirror the behaviour of the other person heavily. And this gets even more extreme in an intimate relationship. I’ve had relationships with women with a wide variety of temperaments, and on reflection, I’ve ended up feeling carefree, resentful, positive, cynical, generous and loving, etc etc… Whatever they were like…
I just can’t afford to go getting involved with anyone that would drag me down again. I have been there, the effect on ne was a nightmare, and it’s pretty obvious to me that I’m still recovering from it.
I’ve been dating this rather fetish-y woman over the last month or so, and she’s a typical case in point. Basically v self-preoccupied, and there’s no way that I would ever break her out of that. I just can’t think and act in my more generous ways of living when I’m around her.
One more reason for needing to hold my fire, find a way somehow to be a lot clearer and firmer about who I want to be, and find a really positive-minded partner who will complement that rather than a number of people who have undermined the best that I was trying to do and be.
I shouldn’t have let them, but equally, I just have to be realistic that I grew up being told pretty firmly what to do next, and it’s a hard instinct to kick.
So… Just Hold your Horses, boy!!!



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