PasadenaSue "Everything you do does matter to someone else"
Being honest with myself about how I feel, act, and react, to situations has forced me to think about my life. Things I have been doing for years – out of habit – are now being examined and evaluated. Why do I get mad at the cat who wants to sit in my lap when I get home from work? I am not actually mad at the cat, I am tired and frustrated and want to be left alone. Once I acknowledge this is how I am feeling, then I either pet the cat, or give him some attention and gently put him on the floor.
Why was I telling salespeople white lies? Because it was easy. But so is telling the truth – I am not interested in the product you are selling. If they continue, I will hang up the phone. At least I am not being rude.
Mostly this goal has forced me to think about how I act with my family. Why do I get frustrated when my Mom calls and she can’t remember if she took her medicine? I am actually responding to the other pressures in my life – mainly work. How many times did my Mom take care of me when I was a child and I was sick? She didn’t get mad and yell at me. She deserves the same consideration she showed me when I was sick. This awareness makes it much easier to just take care of her, and focus on what she needs, instead of redirecting my anger from other areas of my life.
So I go over and organize her medicine and chat for a while. Then I come back home. It wasn’t even difficult to take care of that errand.
We are off work for the remainder of the year. I need to sit and think, and write about how I actually feel about work, the people I work with, the job I am doing, my concerns, and the goals I want to accomplish at work. I need a strategy – if only to understand why I am so unhappy at work and how I can control my feelings.