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seeking~serenity WOW!!! GOOD THINGS ARE HAPPENING. FAST!!! :)

forgive (read all 4 entries…)
The List.

I have thought a lot about the people who have hurt me.I have thought about the need to forgive these people.Even if I don’t verbally speak the words to the individuals,I must forgive the hurt they’ve caused for my own well-being.

So, the list begins with:
My “Sperm Donor” but for writing’s sake; “dad”

I need to forgive my dad for leaving my mom and me a little after I was born. I have never met him, but I do have a few pictures. My mom has told me stories of how they met and such. He is from Mexico, and while my mom was pregnant with me, he went down to visit his (very Catholic) family, and returned after I was born only to tell my mom that he had met a woman his family would accept and that he was leaving. She told him, “Go then.” He apparently kissed my forehead, and off he went.

He was the last man my mom was with, so I never had a father figure. It never really bothered me growing up. I just didn’t have a dad, and I felt that was okay. Nobody ever made it a big deal either. My sister met her dad when she was 9 or 10, and he wasn’t a good dad to her. He has never been there for her. She probably would have been better off emotionally if she had never had that expectation of “daddy” shattered.

A few years back, I had a moment where I really wanted to find my dad and meet him. It was a brief feeling. After that, I just wanted to find him and knee him in the balls for my own vengeful satisfaction. But then I realized I have grown into a pretty-well rounded person without him in my life, and my mom is spectacular for all that she has ever done! I realized the emotion spent on this stranger who left me in my crib as a baby, was pointless, and a waste of my time. A part of me still wonders about him though. I wonder how many half-brothers and half-sisters I have and all that family stuff. I wonder if he has thought of me over the last 22 years.

The Good Lord above me puts people in my life and takes people out of my life for a purpose. Who knows how I would have turned out had he stayed…I could be really, really screwed-up or something. I figure it’s for the best that he left. That action in and of itself shows that he’s not the kind of person I would want anything to do with anyway.

I can forgive him for skipping out on me and my mom because I feel it was actually a blessing in some ways.

So, there, I have thought about it, written it out, and put effort into forgiving the hurt that has lingered over the years. There’s something theraputic about writing out your thoughts and feelings and getting them out of your head; weight just lifts away. I love it here on 43.

The list continues…


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